The funniest quotes from Talladega Nights

Are you ready? It's time to shake and bake! Check out the funniest and most complete collection of Talladega Nights quotes below.

While most people tend to gravitate towards Anchorman or Step Brothers when it comes to the dynamic duo of Will Ferrell and Adam McKay - we can't help but indulge in another viewing of Talladega Nights instead. Seriously, it's hard to explain, we get it. But there's just something that makes this movie stand out above all the rest.

Maybe, it's that being a Nascar driver is actually a good look for Will Ferrell. Or maybe it's due to the iconic quotes that can still be found in today's conversations. Regardless, The Ballad Of Ricky Bobby will go down in the pantheon of great modern comedies.

Talladega Nights Quotes In this Article:

• Best Talladega Nights Quotes
• Ricky Bobby Quotes
• Cal Naughton Jr Quotes
• Baby Jesus Quotes
• Jean Girard Quotes

Best Talladega Nights Quotes

1. If you ain’t first, you’re last. - Ricky Bobby
2. Don’t you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby! - Lucius Washington
3. Here’s the deal, I’m the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence. - Rick Bobby
4. You gotta learn to drive with the fear, and there ain’t nothing more God damn frightening than driving with a live cougar in the car. - Reese Bobby
5. Ricky, remember - The field mouse is fast, but the owl sees at night. - Chip
6. Well, let me give you a saying from Colonel Sanders. I am too drunk to taste this chicken. Ricky Bobby
7. I don’t know what to do with my hands. - Ricky Bobby
8. You can’t have two No. 1s. - Ricky Bobby
9. No one lives forever, no one. But with advances in modern science and my high-level income, it’s not crazy to think I can live to be 245, maybe 300. - Ricky Bobby
10.  Are we about to get it on? Because I’m as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now. - Ricky Bobby
11. You don’t understand. You don’t understand because you don’t understand liberty. You don’t understand freedom. So, you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell! You hear me? - Ricky Bobby
12. Daddy, you made that grace your bi*ch. - Walker Bobby
13. Did that blow your mind? Because that just happened! - Ricky Bobby
14. Wow. I feel like I’m in Highlander! - Ricky Bobby
15. I hope that both of you have sons... Handsome, beautiful, articulate sons, who are talented and star athletes and they have their legs taken away. I mean I pray you know that pain and that hurt. - Ricky Bobby
16. From now on, you're the Magic Man and I'm El Diablo. - Ricky Bobby

Ricky Bobby Quotes

1. If you ain’t first, you’re last. - Ricky Bobby
2. Here’s the deal, I’m the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence. - Rick Bobby
3. Well, let me give you a saying from Colonel Sanders. I am too drunk to taste this chicken. Ricky Bobby
4. I don’t know what to do with my hands. - Ricky Bobby
5. You can’t have two No. 1s. - Ricky Bobby
6. No one lives forever, no one. But with advances in modern science and my high-level income, it’s not crazy to think I can live to be 245, maybe 300. - Ricky Bobby
7.  Are we about to get it on? Because I’m as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now. - Ricky Bobby
8. You don’t understand. You don’t understand because you don’t understand liberty. You don’t understand freedom. So, you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell! You hear me? - Ricky Bobby
9. Did that blow your mind? Because that just happened! - Ricky Bobby
10. Wow. I feel like I’m in Highlander! - Ricky Bobby
11. I hope that both of you have sons... Handsome, beautiful, articulate sons, who are talented and star athletes and they have their legs taken away. I mean I pray you know that pain and that hurt. - Ricky Bobby
12. From now on, you're the Magic Man and I'm El Diablo. - Ricky Bobby

Cal Naughton Jr Quotes

1. We go together like cocaine and waffles.
2. I wet my bed until I was nineteen. There’s no shame in that.
3. You’ve gotta cross over the anger bridge and come back to the friendship shore.
4. I like to picture my Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt. ‘Cause it says like, I wanna be formal but I’m here to party too. I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.
5. I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life.

Baby Jesus Quotes

1. Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces newborn infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet. - Ricky Bobby
2. Dear tiny Jesus, in your golden fleeced diapers with your tiny little fat balled up fists. - Ricky Bobby
3. Dear Lord baby Jesus, we also thank you for my wife's father Chip. We hope that you can use your baby Jesus powers to heal him and his horrible leg. - Ricky Bobby
4. Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin’ there in your ghost manger, just lookin’ at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin’ ’bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin’ me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers. - Ricky Bobby
5. Dear Lord Baby Jesus, or as our brothers to the south call you, Jesús, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino’s, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family, my two beautiful, beautiful, handsome, striking sons, Walker and Texas Ranger, or T.R. as we call him, and of course, my red-hot smoking wife, Carly who is a stone-cold fox. - Ricky Bobby

Jean Girard Quotes

1. Like the frightened baby chipmunk, you are scared by anything that is different.
2.  Aaaaah, Ricky Bobby! Now we shall dance. And yes, it will be a slow jam.
3. Why do you want me to break your arm so badly?
4. What is that, a catchphrase or is that epilepsy?
5. Now it is time for the matador to dance with the blind shoe-maker

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