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My Behaviour


Chris2K

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Some of you may have noticed my odd behaviour over recent weeks, well, I feel it is my duty to explain why.

 

I am clinically depressed. There is nothing that can tell me otherwise.

 

I am very ugly. I have spots all over my face and back, and I'm also fat.

 

My father died of a Heart Attack when I was 11, after he beat me up due to alcoholism.

 

I crave to be loved, however, the three people I have loved/love don't, never have, and never will love me.

 

I have no social life. Due to not drinking, I don't go to parties, as I don't want to see the people I know in a drunken condition.

 

I moan, whine, complain about everything. People go off me in a flash.

 

Why am I telling you all this? Well I bet over three quarters of you think I'm an attention-seeking teenager who has no life, and spends his time making his life worse. I'm not here to do that. I'm posting this because I feel that TWO is the only place in the whole world where I can express my true feelings, as I am surrounded by people I like, and who (in some cases) like me. There are people I trust, and there are people I wouldn't trust with my life.

 

I am appealing to you, the TWO regulars, to try and help me overcome my problems, and get me back to a state of normality as soon as possible.

 

Thanks for reading.

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Oh Chris,i feel so bad for you,i have in all seriosness got tears in my eyes after reading your thread,please go see your doctor and tell him how you are feeling,talking about it will help,when you are depressed things seem so much worse than they actually are,as you see things from a different perspective than everyone else.Your fathers problems have had a huge impact on your life and you need to over come these negative feelings towards him,not for your dads sake,but for your own sanity.You come across as a lovely lad,and you have a wonderful mind,don"t let all that go to waste,alot of what your feeling can go down as hormonal,ie,spots etc,as these will improve the older you get,but please Chris find some help,and any time you want to talk,i"m sure all of us at TWO will be here for you.
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Guest ......cjr......

Lets get this stright, u dont go out becuase u dont drink. Lets see we have those people at my school with the o are are a pice of shit becuase u dont drink, who gives a **** what they think about u chris, why let them people mess your emotions up when they mean nothing at all to u. U do as u please, u are an induviudal and u are well seem like a really nice person. Focus on the people who are close to u e.g family.

 

Onto the 'spot' u are a teenager. What do u expect everyone goes thruw the stage, everyone gets abit of stick from it, thats life its hormones u cant help that and none of us can, dont let that get u down. Like u said someone loved u before im sure they still feel for u, so u cant be to bad now can u. If they really love u chris they wouldnt give a damn about your apperance.

 

Onto the no social life, right now i have no social life, im on this PC most of the day, very annoying. I dont know if u are still at school or not as i dont know u as a person, but once u leave school if u alredy havent, u will have more time at college and make new frieinds at college who u can start a fresh with. Alot more time will be spent there with other people socilizing.

 

If u look at all of this in the long run things dont seem to bad. I know it seems hard now, as most things can be. But if u look 10 years down the line, u might be settled down with a house and a lovely gf/wife who really loves u. I know i dont really know u but im very upset at the moment as all what u said is very emotional. I really am sorry for u chris and i really hope with all my heart and soul that things will turn out to be better for u. :'(

 

Right ive gone on for to long and 90% of u people probably dont give a damn, but i really hope things are better for u chris, i really do. But i would reccomned some help in any way, what do u have to lose?

 

I hope things are better in the future

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Guest Seabass
Originally posted by Chris2K

Some of you may have noticed my odd behaviour over recent weeks, well, I feel it is my duty to explain why.

 

 

...what odd behaviour. you haven't been cussing or flaming and you've made some outstanding threads... your behaviour seems pretty normal to me

 

anyway Chris- i'll post my negative things and you can have a look and feel better

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Guest **Bekie**

Right..where to begin? Firstly..like CJR said...everyone gets spots when they are in their teens and sucky as they may be..they ain't worth getting depressed over!

 

Secondly, i think you should go and talk to someone about your dad..seriously! I know you dislike him..and i know thats understandable the shit he put you through and stuff...but you have to understand that drink can **** some people up..and they don't have control over what they are doing. Yet it does not mean they are bad people...i think you need to sort out how you really feel about all that and get it off your chest to someone who is properly trained in stuff like that...i know it seems a little scary and stuff, but i really think its the best way to sort stuff out.

 

The lack of social life..i again agree with CJR, when you go to college and stuff you will meet new people and make new friends..people who will not go out with you or anything because you don't drink really are shallow and not worth being mates with.

 

I guess to overcome the whining and complaining thing, you have to take a more positive view on things..if you look at your life in a different way so that it seems better..you won't see so much to complain about.

 

Also, if you are clinically depressed..go to a doctor and talk to them about it..coz they might be able to give you something to help you out.

 

Hope some of this helped :xyx

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Guest The Crippler
Originally posted by **Bekie**

Right..where to begin? Firstly..like CJR said...everyone gets spots when they are in their teens and sucky as they may be..they ain't worth getting depressed over!

 

 

Sorry Bekie, I know you are meaning well, but if they are bad then they are worth getting depressed about. For about 3 years I had bad acne. I went to my GP about it and he referred me to a specialist who has since fixed the problem and I am now spot free. I'm not suggesting Chris' condition is as bad as mine as in the photo I seen of him he looks fine. But it is an awful experience and can contribute in a major way to depression you may be suffering. So I can really relate to that Chris.

 

As for the thing with your father - I am glad that I cannot relate to that. It must really suck. My father does have a slight problem with alcohol as in that he drinks a lot of it but I don't think he would ever think of attacking anyone in my family and I think I am of the age and size now that I could handle him if he did.

 

Chris, if you ever feel you need to talk about things on MSN, you know I am here and you have a friend here that will listen to you and will try and help you through whatever problems you may be going through.

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Gah Chris, you know I said I don't cry much? Your thread nearly did it to me dammit...good job my friends weren't here eh.

 

You really need to see someone to talk to Chris. You don't DESERVE to be so unhappy. From talkin to you on msn (which isn't a great source) and from when you rang me up you are a real nice person, but you have deep rooted problems.

 

On the lack of a social life, I wouldn't be very bothered personally. If people can't go to a party without drinking, there bloody stupid. Your 16 ain't ya chris? You'll have plenty of time to have a social life once your out of school.

 

On the skin problem, I have tonnes and I mean tonnes of people who have real big spot problems. All ya gotta do is go to the doctors, they'll give ya stuff or recommend you to a specialist to get rid of em. Spots aint a big deal anyway, people expect the 13-16ish age range to have them.

On the weight thing, I Know what it's like to feel fat compared to everyone else and I've tried everything from semi starving myself and going exercise mad. You know what I've done? Given all that up. And why? Because if people don't love you for who you are, theres something wrong with them and they have a bloody bad view in life.

 

Chris mate (and I do mean mate) I really hope you get everything and I mean everything sorted out cos it's upsetting seing people upset online or offline

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Guest MillionLiraMan

OK Chris, first of all I don't think you need to apologise for 'your' behaviour at all. I know my 'hangover cures' thread was one of the threads where you took exception to the topic of drinking being a focus, but that's what you believe in very strongly: you don't have to feel like you should be sorry for outlining your beliefs. Your other threads on the US Scene forum in particular have also been really good and we want you to continue to input the way you do (as I believe I've said to you before). You really have to stop putting yourself down, calling yourself ugly and the like isn't going to help you come through the problems you had. I'm sure that there are plenty of people who don't see you as ugly, and the fact that you have been loved by a girl before is surely evidence that you shouldn't be giving up on yourself just yet. People will love you for who you are, but although the world can seem pretty crap sometimes at age sixteen there is a lot of pressure to be wordly wise and you can't expect to be in a full relationship with no issues to deal with and a happy ever after ending. I certainly didn't have that back then and I doubt many other people did, so you have to have faith that by waiting patiently for love it can come to you, and you have your whole life ahead of you for that.

 

Practical solutions? Well I agree with everyone that seeing a doctor would help. A doctor could assess the extent of your acne problem and be someone to talk to about the issues with your father, which I really think you need to discuss to find some sort of closure. You've probably read all of these responses and are thinking about how you'd be embarassed or hesitant to see the doctor about this sort of thing, well don't be. If you ever feel hesitant to seek help, just think about whether or not you want to continue to feel like this, and that should spur you on to go and get some help, you've nothing to lose from doing so and the fact that you've asked us to help you shows that you are taking steps in the right direction to sorting out yourself.

 

As far as your social life goes, you say you don't go out because of not wanting to see people get drunk and the like, but why not try to come up with other activities to do with your friends that needn't involve drinking. Personally speaking, some of the best 'nights out' I've had haven't been focused on drinking but going along to the cinema complex, having a game of bowling or something and then catching a late viewing of a film before having a good chinwag on the way home. Play computer games much? Have some of your friends round of a night for a bit of a lark around. Also, do more stuff during the day if you can. People are a lot more reluctant to drink during the day than at night, so if you can get something going of a weekend, maybe like five-a-side football on a Saturday afternoon or whatever else you might enjoy. This would also get you some excercise which would maybe help you feel better about your weight, and depression is only made worse by sitting in wallowing on your woes, which also leads to several trips to the fridge. Getting out more would likely help you out, and you can do it a way that needn't revolve around drinking.

 

Things right now in your life may not be as bad as they seem, but I think the problem lies with issues from your past and specifically with your father, although I remember you mentioning a friend you knew had passed on because of a drink related problem. Your lack of self-esteem is what causes you to put yourself down, and I think in all likelihood that must stem from feelings of rejection from your father. Your dislike of alcohol is understandable, and not something you have to apologise for especially given your circumstances. You need to resolve those issues most of all. Try some of those suggestions for social activities, or if they're not what you enjoy doing try to think of other stuff that you do enjoy doing where you could include others, then see how your friends react to that. I'm not going to slag off the people you consider to be your friends by saying that they are pathetic by drinking, because that's not what you want to hear about your friends. The fact that you may be prone to snapping at people could also be to do with their drinking, I mean you're not exactly going to want to hear about what a great time they had being drunk when your experiences of drink are of witnessing its bad side, so understandably that can cause you to snap. You have to let others who you want to be close to you understand why you dislike alcohol so much if just because it puts them in perspective rather than making you seem nagging, and because it means these people will understand you better and be able to help you as well. For all that you are always welcome to talk to us at TWO, and we'll do everything we can for you, not many of us can do anything with you face-to-face or actually physically be there for you, so you need people there who can help you on the spot and keep your spirits up when you find coping with things to be difficult. You have to help others to be able to help you, so even if you just briefly explain to someone why you feel the way you do, that can change their whole perspective of you and certainly make them a lot more accommodating to you when you complain about something or snap if they can understand why you would do it.

 

With your current friends at your age there is a lot of pressure to go out drinking and try to grow up in a nanosecond, but your truer friends will understand and will help you out, and I'm sure if you can get out more as I was saying you could meet other people with whom you can become friends and who can be there for you, you might even meet that special someone, but I do think that broadening your horizons from simply going to school and feeling lonely at home while everyone else drinks has to be a good thing. Sort out seeing a doctor first, hearing someone else's opinion of you can usually be a good confidence booster as hey can be a lot more positive about you than you putting yourself down constantly.

 

I won't go on any more but I just hope some of that helps. We at TWO are always here for you no matter how you are, so don't ever feel that you have nowhere to go or no-one who appreciates you, because that's not true. Also Chris, post another thread like this in a few weeks to let us know how you're doing, because we're all here to help you.

 

Okay?! :xyx

Edited by MillionLiraMan
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Well it's good to see you're admitting to the problems in your life and are willing to try and make a change. A lot of people can't stand up and admit it. Takes a lot of courage to do.

 

Firstly, depression sucks. Been there, gone through it. Still am, to a degree. But you're admitting the problem and you've also broke the problems down which is half the battle won. Rather than tackling them all at once, you need to take down each one individually. Helps to have a good head on your shoulders and you got that down.

 

Body wise, man it's not good. I'm so self-conscious about my body, it's unbelievable. Cas of my Irritable Bowel Syndrome, my stomach is always bloated, then not, and so on and people have started to notice and it can have a big effect. I wouldn't worry bout being "fat". But then is it a natural thing that you're meant to be that way or an illness or is it something that you can lose and overcome? If it's the latter, I just recommend a bit of exercise, control over eating patterns and maybe a visit to the GP. As for your spots, listen to whatever Crippler tells you. As he's been there, he'd be more inclined to know more about it.

 

The father thing would be something I'd see someone about. Your past WILL haunt you. No two ways about it. Just recently, I keep having dreams about my own father, who left me a birth, who I've only seen like once in my life. Caused many a sleepness, tearful night. But my dad didn't have an alcohol problem (well, he might have done), and he didn't hit me or my mother, so your's is a lot worse on that front, which means the pain will be harder. And the fact that he's dead doesn't help too much. I'd recommend seeing maybe a councillor or someone who may refer you to someone bigger up the chain. And make sure you stay close to your mother. Something I've always done is keep the bond between me and my mom strong as ever. She's all you've got and you're all she's got, so don't lose that.

 

The love thing is a typical teen thing, understandably moreso for you because you feel that you've never been loved properly during your life. You'll find someone. Everyone does. I know I can talk, Mr "I haven't had a woman sinse I was 9 and that was only by chance and I haven't even kissed a girl or nothing and in fact I've gone further with a boy than a girl" who be me, but still, patience is a virtue. I wouldn't worry. Just stick close to the friends you have and keep that bond close to you. Don't let go just because of a drink or nothing.

 

I recommend trying to find at least a bit of a social life. Stuck in all night with your computer as your only friend isnt just a bit sad, but it can have psychological effects on you as you grow up.If you don't want to be around all your mates drinking, ask them to make a night where they don't, where they just stay at someones house and watch a movie or something. Even something like that is enough to have some fun. If not, maybe find a couple of new mates to hang with at night or at the weekends with or something, who drink little or not at all. Don't feel you have to stay with the same set of mates.

 

Don't worry about the moaning or whining. I always whine and moan (although I'm controlling it a bit more). Just be careful of how much you do it. People will get a bit pissed off with it.

 

 

Overall, get to a GP, get to a councillor, and dude, try and salvage a bit of a social life. The thing I worry about is you saying TWO is the only place on earth that you can turn. That worries me, that you have to turn to the internet as opposed to real places and so on. The fine line between the internet and real life is thin but dude, be careful not to turn the internet into your real life cas thats what I feel is going to happen. Theres a big wide world outside the door. Look past the war and so on and there is fun to be had. I didn't know this til just before Christmas, but it's fun out there, with the right people. Try to make the best of it. Let the internet be an escape from life. Don't let the internet become your life, because then if shit happens on here, wheres your escape? Think about it.

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Som brilliant words of encouragement from the tWo faithful, which is good to see.

 

All I'll say is like I said to you on MSN: "You're one of the good guys".

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Guest Seabass

well i can't add anything new since some of the peeps here have said what i would have said.

Chris you got it pretty bad but you've got some things that some people would sell there souls for.

hell i'm in a similar position as you as my love life is no good, i get depressed for several reasons, i have a near non-exsistent social life and my grandma (who was living with us) died when i was quite young (about 10) and i'm not strong looking and good looking (i've been told i'm cute but the woman i fancy don't go for cute guys- they want a good looking, money making, tough man).

 

But for all the things that are against me. there are good things going for me.

So Chris- why don't you tell us the good things in your life

 

as a side note: i'm sure there are people outside of TWO who you can trust to talk to about your problems Chris.

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Guest Sabba Simba

Chris, don't be like this mate. You have no need to. You are a well liked and respected member of this community and there is a reason for that. It's because people care about what you have to say. I know we're just people off the internet but hopefully the facts are still important.

 

As for spots, they're a real pain in the backside, as Crippler said. I've still got them now, and I'm 20. But honestly, nobody is laughing at you for having them. Everybody has spots, and gets them, at one time in their lives. I hope this doesn't sound patronising, but I recommend Zineryt. Ask your GP about it first though.

 

I have a lack of a social life too, and am hardly what you could call the life and soul of the party, but I have a close circle of friends who I can have a laugh with. I'm sure you do too. And if people get you down too much, just think to yourself: 'F*** em' That will make you feel better, believe me.

 

Glad you got things off your chest, and I hope my words have in some way helped. Feel better, mate.

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Chris , I feel really awful because I dont know how to help. I think im ugly and too skiny and I sometimes feel like I will never be loved properly , but there is someone out there that you will meet when ur older and fall in love with. Remember different people have different tastes and your opinion of yourself might be that ur ugly but that might not be some girls opinion of you. If everyone cares about just looks instead of personality they are really shallow of stupid. I dont think your attention seeking. I hope what I've said has been to some use.
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Guest PeteR Richards
Originally posted by Chris2K

Some of you may have noticed my odd behaviour over recent weeks, well, I feel it is my duty to explain why.

 

I am clinically depressed. There is nothing that can tell me otherwise.

 

I am very ugly. I have spots all over my face and back, and I'm also fat.

 

My father died of a Heart Attack when I was 11, after he beat me up due to alcoholism.

 

I crave to be loved, however, the three people I have loved/love don't, never have, and never will love me.

 

I have no social life. Due to not drinking, I don't go to parties, as I don't want to see the people I know in a drunken condition.

 

I moan, whine, complain about everything. People go off me in a flash.

 

Why am I telling you all this? Well I bet over three quarters of you think I'm an attention-seeking teenager who has no life, and spends his time making his life worse. I'm not here to do that. I'm posting this because I feel that TWO is the only place in the whole world where I can express my true feelings, as I am surrounded by people I like, and who (in some cases) like me. There are people I trust, and there are people I wouldn't trust with my life.

 

I am appealing to you, the TWO regulars, to try and help me overcome my problems, and get me back to a state of normality as soon as possible.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

1: Ugly - No. I've seen a picture of you, you look okay to me. Maybe the picture didn't show any spots on your face (and definitely not on your back!) so I can't comment on that, but I will say, just go get cream for it, make every effort you possibly can to get rid of the problem. I'm also very self-conscious about my body too, because I have pretty bad eczema on my arms and legs, so I can kind of relate to this, and that aforementioned advice is all I can give you.

 

2: The father thing - This is going to sound extremely harsh, but try to move on, the more you think about it the more it will get you down. If you disliked your fathers' attitude, ignore it, don't let it bother you, just think "I'm not going to be like that", and follow through with that attitude throughout your life.

 

3: Love - As a teenager I can pretty much say 90% of relationships don't involve a bit of love. Teenagers are too immature (me included) to be in a love relationship. As a person not in a relationship at the moment, I like you a LOT more than any fool who treats his girlfriend like shit (most guys). Love will come to you, soon enough. Just sit back and wait for everyone else to grow up while you secretly know you're miles ahead of all of them. :)

 

(that doesn't make much sense to me but hopefully it does for you!).

 

4: Social Life - Not all about parties. To me, parties is having friends who you see regularly; surely your friends aren't drunk at parties 24/7?! Hang out with your friends as much as possible, just get the hell off the internet because that can really get you down. If your friends are in, they're bored, and you're bored, go around, don't settle for an MSN conversation. Real life is right in front of you, go for it. It took me a long time to do so, and I'm very grateful I did, now!

 

5: Moaning, Whining, Complaining - It helps, it gets it all out, it's therapeutic, it's no problem to anyone, most people are glad to help (just look at this thread!).

 

Finally, posting this was a damn good idea Chris, look at all the advice everyone's given you, some of it might not be helpful, but it's a sign people care about you, yes? :)

 

Oh and reading this was very heart-warming, knowing a lot of you care enough to type all that. Good luck Chris, I wish you all the best. :)

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Re: Re: My Behaviour

 

Originally posted by PeteR Richards

4: Social Life - Not all about parties. To me, parties is having friends who you see regularly; surely your friends aren't drunk at parties 24/7?! Hang out with your friends as much as possible, just get the hell off the internet because that can really get you down. If your friends are in, they're bored, and you're bored, go around, don't settle for an MSN conversation. Real life is right in front of you, go for it. It took me a long time to do so, and I'm very grateful I did, now!

 

Thats a paragraph I totally agree with. Social life is more about being with mates not being at parties. MSN and the internet is depressive because your staring at a screen and it gets you down because some things are better said to a real friend rather than a msn box.

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