Wedding fundraiser - tacky or brill?

[Snarky-Guru 7]

I got an invitation through the post to attend a Stag and Doe wedding fundraiser for my mates. There's an $8 charge to get in and well, there seems to be a charge for everything at the event as the entertainment and food have separate fees for each thing. Want to play cards? There's a fee. Want to sing Karaoke? There's a fee per song. There is also going to be a silent auction and various raffles throughout the event. You need to pay if you want to dance with the bride-to-be or the groom-to-be. The beer is free, so I suppose there's that. Maybe they're pulling a Vegas and hoping free alcohol will lead drinkers to be more generous with their spare cash. I had never heard of something like this before and fond it rather audacious. Called my friend up, thinking it was a joke, but apparently it's a tradition in some Canadian provinces to host a wedding fundraiser so the happy couple aren't out of pocket you know. My mate went to her cousin's wedding in such a province and heard all about it the practice. She thought it was a brilliant idea and is trying it for herself. I know she'll feel slighted if her friends and family don't support this "night of fun."

 

So, what do you think; is a Stag and Doe wedding fundraiser tacky or brilliant? Have you ever been to one?

[Ogmore 28]

It sounds like nonsense and a bit ridiculous, but if all the beer you want is included in that ticket price then I'd be happy for it. Sounds like they might lose money to be honest. Why is the price in dollars instead of pounds? Are the happy couple really expecting their guests to bring Canadian dollars?

[Guest Mecha Jaraxxus]

I've heard of a Stag and Doe, but I was under the impression there was only a charge to get in. Having every activity cost an extra fee seems over the top. Sorry, but, it's not up to the people you know to fund a huge wedding. A modest wedding can very easily be had. If you can't afford it, that's just the way it is. Tough cookies!

[Guest Chuckyy]

I have Canadian family and can confirm a Stag and Doe is standard wedding business. I find it extremely tacky. I mean, most of those people aren't even invited to the actual wedding. It's just greed. Get married at City Hall if you can't afford a wedding and quit expecting everyone else to pay for your "special day". I've been invited to many of these parties, but never once attended.

[Snarky-Guru 7]

It sounds like nonsense and a bit ridiculous, but if all the beer you want is included in that ticket price then I'd be happy for it. Sounds like they might lose money to be honest. Why is the price in dollars instead of pounds? Are the happy couple really expecting their guests to bring Canadian dollars?

The bride's mother has family in Canada. I imagine she invited them too, though I'll be surprised if they make the long trip just for this. The invitation listed both dollars and pounds. I just went with the first one listed. I also fudged on the amount on the off chance she happens across this forum and thread (sorry mate and sorry mate's cousin!) I don't think it's meant to be all you can drink either. Maybe it's free until they run out or something. At least I wasn't asked to contribute something towards the auction. My older sister, who is married and more established, wasn't so lucky.

 

@Chuckyy I'm glad that we have an insider as I'm not sure about the customs. Am I expected to bring a gift to this Stag and Doe? I can't skip it altogether as she's a sensitive person and will be hurt. We've been mates for ages.

Edited June 13, 2019 by Snarky-Guru

[jack25 13]

Well, it seems like the bride and groom are trying out a tradition that isn't so popular around the place you live in. I agree that it is possible to have a modest wedding without having to go beyond your means. All the same, I hope that this fundraiser achieves the set target. Edited June 15, 2019 by jack25

[Guest Chuckyy]

@Chuckyy I'm glad that we have an insider as I'm not sure about the customs. Am I expected to bring a gift to this Stag and Doe? I can't skip it altogether as she's a sensitive person and will be hurt. We've been mates for ages.

 

Nope, there is no gift required. It's not like a "shower" where everyone brings gifts. All they want you to do is arrive with deep pockets....

[DandyMandy 25]

I think couples are becoming more brazen in general. This year alone I've received a wedding invitation that directly suggested a minimum gift value so you could essentially "pay for your plate." An invitation to a destination bachelorette party (the groom was also having a destination bachelor party). Of course you'd be chipping in for the bride and grooms expenses. And a demand for cash gifts only at a bridal shower that also included an address where you could mail your check if you couldn't attend the shower. The demands and entitlement have gone up, while the thank-you cards and etiquette have gone down.

[Snarky-Guru 7]

@Chuckyy Thank you for all the info!

Well, it seems like the bride-and-groom are trying out a tradition that isn't so popular around the place you live in. I agree that it is possible to have a modest wedding without having to go beyond your means.

No one in my circle has heard of the practice until now. I just hope it doesn't become an accepted thing! Attending wedding events are expensive enough as is. It's baffling to me. Why not just be happy that you've found the one you want and have an affordable ceremony?

[Zack T 171]

I've been to a few weddings now, mostly of my extended family. The weddings I've been to have been in Texas and Florida and Oklahoma - My sister's wedding, one of my best friends weddings (The only wedding I've been part of the service, I was a Groomsman), and 2 cousin's weddings. All of them have taken place in the last 10 years. I also got married during that time, but only did a court house wedding, so very fast and simple.

 

None of them asked so brazenly for money. It was more simply having some wedding registry's out there. My most recent wedding was my cousin Ben's down in Texas, that happened December 2018. Him and his wife had the most expensive registry I'd seen for any of my cousin's (Other cousin's have been married but I couldn't attend). Still, it wasn't really outrageous, just more high quality or name brand items. Nothing that felt like they were trying to be super greedy.

 

All of these weddings were paid for either by the families of the bride/groom or by the bride/groom themselves. None of them had an attendance fee or food fee or other charges attached to attending.

 

 

 

I think it's an odd and almost entitled practice to expect wedding guests to pay to attend. I mean a wedding is essentially a big party you're throwing for yourself, and you're gonna ask everyone you invite to pay? That takes a certain level of hubris to consider.

 

Destination weddings or bachelor/bachelorette parties are pretty bad too, I've heard of people doing that. The reality is that at least some of the people you invite to your wedding will likely have to travel, but expecting everyone to throw down the cost of travel + lodging + food and take a mini vacation just to cheer you on or to throw you a pre-wedding party is just rude, if you ask me. But if people can afford it, then why not, I suppose.

[jack25 13]

You've laid it out very clearly @Zack T. I remember a friend who once sent me a pre-wedding tea party invite but I didn't honor it. To date, we don't talk much. People should embrace the practice of living within their means and holding a ceremony that they can afford. It is really rude to try and force people to chip in, however subtle this may seem.

[Paul 584]

Have a wedding within your means, dont expect others to pay for it. Nothing wrong with a registry office/courtroom wedding!

 

I say that after my father in law just paid for a massive wedding for me and the new wife (oh yeah, I have got divorced and married again @Kam) in a country house with a free bar (unusual in the UK). :lol:

 

We did say if anyone gave gifts that we would want cash for the honeymoon, but that was purely practical as we have lived together for a few years.