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TWo Big Brother **May offend**


Guest therock88

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Guest therock88

Big Brother!

 

Day 1 - therock88 admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Kam. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Pabster is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although The Crippler later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

 

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Peter K creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Goldy hits him with a knife.

 

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of The empire state building out of Brussel Sprouts. After much persuasion by Peter K, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

 

4 - Training for the The empire state building task is well under way. However havoc ensues when The Crippler, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the Brussel Sprouts. Goldy is furious.

 

5 - Today is the day when the The empire state building task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when The Crippler farts and blows The empire state building over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Kam cries.

 

6 - Peter K gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

 

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Kam admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a knife. therock88 says he never wears condoms because they make his Penis sore and Peter K agrees. Pabster goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. The Crippler sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Peter K.

 

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. therock88 goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Goldy and Kam are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for therock88.

 

9 - Goldy and Kam are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Pabster sings them a song - YMCA - to make them feel better.

 

10 - The public vote Kam out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Kam leaves.

 

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Kam's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Pabster has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Goldy is visibly depressed and is comforted by Peter K, who tries to touch her on her Tits.

 

12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Peter K touching Goldy's Tits over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

 

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that The Crippler refuses to run because his Penis hurts a bit.

 

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. The Crippler finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Goldy calls The Crippler a lazy Penis.

 

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. therock88 tells everyone individually that he thinks Goldy is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Goldy and Peter K are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for therock88.

 

16 - The nominations are announced. Goldy can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Peter K is equally stunned and turns to Goldy for comfort. The Crippler is distraught and confesses to Pabster that he thinks he is in love with Peter K. Pabster says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know

 

17 - The public vote Peter K out of the house. Goldy says she is gutted and even gives Peter K a clipping of hair from her Tits to prove how much she cares. The Crippler is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Peter K leaves.

 

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Goldy clipping the hair from her Tits. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

 

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Angola in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

 

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Angola sounds like but The Crippler says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose therock88 as the one who must complete the task.

 

21 - therock88 successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Angola but also God Save The Queen, YMCA and the theme tune to The Bill. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

 

22 - Nominations are due and therock88 tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. The Crippler and Pabster are nominated.

 

23 - The Crippler and Pabster take their nominations well and sit down with therock88 and Goldy to discuss why they voted for them. therock88 keeps quiet but Goldy accuses The Crippler of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred Penis before bursting into tears.

 

24 - The public vote Pabster out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. Pabster leaves.

 

25 - therock88 becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of therock88's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a ******.

 

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Cat dung using only a knife. therock88 is unsure but The Crippler is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

 

27 - Completely out of the blue, The Crippler breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Cat incident from his childhood. Goldy tries to persuade him to stay but therock88 sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. The Crippler decides to leave.

 

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Cat dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Goldy from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.

 

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. therock88 asks Goldy to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly therock88 nominates Goldy to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Goldy.

 

30 - When the nomination is announced, Goldy graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that therock88 is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. therock88 takes his £70,000 and runs away to Angola. Nobody, including Goldy, ever sees him again.

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Guest A.C.

:eek

 

Possibly the oddest thing I've seen in ages, this! Very funny, hopefully your protagonists see it that way.

 

A Freudian psychologist would see the entire thing as a way of asserting your own heterosexuality. However, it would appear that you are desperate to reveal the internal conflict you have over your true (i.e.: possibly not fully-heterosexual) sexuality:

 

The obsession with knifes (weapons = penis extensions) to reinforce machismo.

 

The numerous penis references.

 

The interest in lesbianism.

 

Casting Pabster and Kam as females and referring to them as "she": a common pronoun used b gay men to refer to other men.

 

The whole thing's a veritable window into your psyche!

 

*Humour. :D

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Guest therock88
all i did was ad in the names, no offence was meant...it asked me to put in names and places etc, and then it generated the rest, i never wrote it, but it is funny and i won :)
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Guest Seabass
Originally posted by therock88

all i did was ad in the names, no offence was meant...it asked me to put in names and places etc, and then it generated the rest, i never wrote it, but it is funny and i won :)

 

i was gonna say, you must have been bored to write all that up...in the morning as well

and to think, i was gonna give you credi, for something you didn't do

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Guest Goldy

I think it's a game where you insert your own names. I must say it's a bit different from the norm lol! but it's very funny. I was reading it with Crippler on msn and we both found it very amusing :lol

and no offence was taken.

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Guest Peter K

*sighs* - always me................

 

I may have to start a licensing fee - perhaps £100 for the right to use my name? ;)

 

That was a joke by the way :lol

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Guest Seabass
Originally posted by PK (WCW + ECW Fan)

*sighs* - always me................

 

I may have to start a licensing fee - perhaps £100 for the right to use my name? ;)

 

That was a joke by the way :lol

 

it was :D

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Guest Seabass
Originally posted by PK (WCW + ECW Fan)

I don't understand

 

i was being sarcastic

you said it was a joke and i said "it was"...nevermind

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