Naitch

You should do a tournament to determine what the next tournament should be... Assuming we're talking of all the times for Best Japanese wrestler, the answer is Toshiaki Kawada. Tournament over. That was easy.

http://i683.photobucket.com/albums/vv195/DCFC_2009/seacaptain.jpg Yarrr, not a looker among 'em. Mmm, that's some good shallowness.

For some strange reason I thought for a second that the blonde lady Jericho was sitting beside in the front row was a plant. She was very into Jericho being there and being on camera and busted out a sweet ass 'aww you poor thing' look to Jericho when Big Show broke his heart after showing up with another man. The point is I became increasingly enamoured with her as the match progressed. The negative is she was undressing Jericho with her eyes throughout and clearly wanted to have sex with him. I don't stand a chance. That's all I got. Okay, last time you were beat you were banned from Raw FOREVER...but this time we really, really, really, cross out hearts and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye, REALLY mean it this time. Really. Still, any show which begins with Chris Jericho: Conspiracy Victim (and, indeed, any with Maryse in general) is an automatic plus from me. Some Hart guy is coming back next week. Might be Tony. I doubt it though because he's retired. And also dead. I liked the 4 whole people that did the 'We want Bret' chant. A good proportion of their audience don't know the ins and outs of Montreal enough to care about it and then a good proportion of their audience do know the ins and outs of Montreal but have ceased giving a shit about it in 2009. Obviously they've got time to work around that and the video package did make Bret seem like a big deal so there we go. Not that I've ever done it but I imagine it'd be an interesting mindfu*k for all parties involved trying to explain Montreal to a young'un (some would say, rather patronisingly one supposes, a 'mark') though. 'Well, Vince screwed Bret out of the title at Survivor Series 1997. He got the timekeeper to ring the bell when Shawn Michaels had Bret in a submission.' ... 'So it was 12 years ago?' 'Yep.' 'And we're still supposed to care about it?' 'Apparently.' 'And it was like when Teddy Long screwed Undertaker?' 'Well, no, I mean, Vince really screwed Bret. It was for real.' ... 'For real?' 'Yep.' 'So what was Teddy Long's then?' 'Well, um, ah, gee...THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS.' Also, Mr. Timbaland (if that is your real name), sir: http://i683.photobucket.com/albums/vv195/DCFC_2009/jake.jpg I mean, what the fu*k? Was RVD backstage? That guy was off his trolley. It was a better show than the last couple of shitfests, I'll give it that much.

They could bring in Owen. Beat that, WWE. But then, knowing Vince, he'd probably go all out and bring in fu*king Andre the Giant.

He must really need the money. But, you know it's funny, I know Bret returning is a big deal yadda yadda yadda, face-off with Vince and/or Michaels blah blah blah, first live Raw appearance in 12 years etc etc etc...but...I'd be way more excited if this thread were about The Rock because, ultimately, in the end, whatever conceivable, fathomable, possible way I conceivably, fathomably and possibly look at it, The Rock > Bret Hart. Rock could go out there on Monday Night Raw in front of a live audience, raise an eyebrow and that alone would automatically be better than anything I can see them possibly do with Bret Hart in 2009. I mean, what's he gonna do, shuffle out there, cut a rambling promo about getting screwed in Montreal (and God knows, or to used an even greater power; Flair knows, we need more angles based around a screwjob from 12 years ago) and then punch Vince or some shit? Is he really going to wrestle? I'd doubt it but if he is, he's 52 years of age, retired due to injuries, hasn't wrestled in 10 years, a period during which he suffered a stroke and I'm supposed to be excited by that like it was the build towards Austin vs. Bret at Survivor Series '96? I'm not feeling it, really. Maybe not being a particularly big fan of Bret and not giving a flying fart about fu*king Survivor Series 1997 in 2009 might, you know, have something to do with it but I'm not particularly pissing my pants with excitement. Because he isn't The Rock. BRET FINALLY GOT HIS REVENGE! SHIT YEAH! And then you'll probably have some guys on the interweb go 'YEAH, STICK IT TO HIM, BRET. THAT'S FOR MONTREAL, YOU SON OF A BITCH!' even though Bret signed a fu*king contract with Vince McMahon, is taking the almighty McMahon dollar working for a promotion owned by Vince McMahon to cut promos OKed by Vince McMahon in an angle for Vince McMahon culminating in a Wrestlemania appearance. Kinda, in completely, at best, vaguely related fashion, how people were sucking Heyman's mickey when he did that 'shoot' promo on Vince pre-Survivor Series 2001. Well, yeah, a lot of what he was saying was probably true but he worked for Vince McMahon and he said it on a Vince show in a Vince ring during an angle overseen by Vince building towards a PPV designed to make money for Vince's promotion which kinda negates the 'sock it to 'em-ness' of the whole thing. Is it intriguing Bret coming back? Obviously it is. A lot of it will probably be some real car crash shit though and it'll be interesting (I say 'interesting...') to see how Michaels and Triple H try to fu*k with the program so to speak but (and, hey, not that he has anything to do with this whole melarkey but still), an appearance by a super dynamic, uber entertaining, bonafide star like The F'n Rock on the 4th January Raw, building towards an eventual match at Wrestlemania or old man Hart and Vince more than likely doing tired, repetitive worked shoot shit about bloody Montreal? Rock. Every. Single. Time. Man, The Rock could hunch down in the middle of the ring like a savage, take a particularly troublesome shit while reading the Financial Times out loud, giving you interspersed running commentary on his bowel movements and it'd be better than anything TNA and Hulk Hogan could possibly offer. The point is...well, no point other than The Rock RULES. AH, DAMMIT, JUST ANNOUNCE WHEN THE ROCK IS SHOWING UP, YOU BASTARDS! I HEAR HE'S GOT ANOTHER AVERAGE KID'S FILM TO PROMOTE! THE ROCK! ... ROCK!

Flair is roughly 800 years old and he could still sell a PPV better than probably anyone on the TNA roster. Not that TNA seem particularly interested in selling PPVs but, you know, just sayin' is all. http://i683.photobucket.com/albums/vv195/DCFC_2009/IMG_2855.jpg http://i683.photobucket.com/albums/vv195/DCFC_2009/4j8i11.jpg [YOUTUBE]<object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value=" name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src=" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object>[/YOUTUBE] Sad to see a guy like Bobby Heenan who was such a fast talking, mile-a-minute, super over-the-top kinda guy being like that. The mind and the wit is obviously still there but still...you know. More specifically, sad with both men because it's cancer. Fu*king cancer.

Assuming McGuinness does join World Elite, he'd be only the, what, 86th member? Sons of bitches have more members than Facebook. That being said a British Invasion of Brutus, Williams and McGuinness working some Freebirds rules shit would be a highlight in a promotion without many. Get rid of Terry yesterday though because he's the most pointless wrestler on the planet and is basically just there to give muscle fetishists (Triple H? Possibly) something to rub one out over.

Snoop Dogg looks likes he's made out of a combination of chewing gum and noodles. He's the gangliest, limbiest, streak of piss I've ever seen and I've seen Peter Crouch. I've seen more meat on the side of mosquito's todger. Still got a bitchin' LAAARRIIIAATTTOOO though and, on the contrary, I thought he looked like he was enjoying himself out there but then, yeah, one never can tell with him considering he's so laid back he may as well be horizontal. He was definitely one of the better guest hosts. See, if Umaga was still around and they were still doing the talking deal with him, they could have done a thing where Kofi lost the Jamaican accent out of nowhere one week for reasons no one could explain but then the next week Umaga would start talking in a Jamaican in a shocking turn of events. It would then be revealed that a witch doctor (Papa Shango in a cameo and/or Prince Nana) from Kofi's hometown of Ghana (STEREOTYPES, you see, because it's wrestling) put a voodoo spell on Kofi and transposed Kofi's accent into the savage who couldn't speak English. Weeks would then follow of Umaga smoking the ganja and listening to Bob Marley (STEREOTYPES, you see, because it's wrestling) and it'd draw about 4 pence which is at least more than what TNA PPVs draw. They've teased both Rhodes and DiBiase turning on Orton now and they both got good reactions so hopefully it bodes well for when DiBiase eventually does stop taking Orton's shit and slaps the piss out of him. Nice that they didn't blow their loads too soon with the babyface turn and threw the feelers out there for it. Yeah, add the Orton/Cena video to a loooonnnggg list of great videos they've done. When all else fails, you can still rely on them to deliver videos that would make Braden Walker vs. Kizarny an epic main event. Reminded me again of Cena's dad's manly bumping too. Poor Marty Jannetty is still wrestling for crack then. Was probably wearing last week's newspapers for underwear underneath those tights. Tremendous though that him and Goldust were able to meet up backstage and compare notes on how many times they've both been brought back now. NASCAR drivers?! Really?! Bad enough when it's some football guy I've never heard of but two guys from that sport where they serve roadkill instead of hotdogs in the stands? Are they actively trying to be TNA? Solid show though, if only for me coming to the realisation during it that Orton is starting to look increasingly like the yellow paedo dude from Sin City. http://i683.photobucket.com/albums/vv195/DCFC_2009/SinCity_SomeYellowBastard.jpg No? Probably just me getting freaked out by it then.

Obviously, primarily, Bell's Palsy sounds like the shits to deal with and hopefully he gets over it for, you know, his sake but secondly being that we wrestling fans are a selfish bunch of individuals, I hope he gets well soon simply because any combination of Lawler, Grisham and Coleizzle now calling both shows and an entire PPV would smell like something smelly. Which again kinda brings up the point of if and when Jim Ross eventually does retire, who do they have? I know Vince takes him for granted at best and insults him at worst ('tee hee hee, HE HAD A CANCER SCARE!!! HILARIOUS!!! 15 minute segment about it on Raw, ASAP!') and has tried to shunt him out of the picture on more than one occasion before coming to his senses but you're left with Michael Cole or Todd Romero calling Wrestlemania when he goes. Think about that for a second. Jim Ross sometimes gets names wrong and called Charlie Haas Shelton Benjamin and Shelton Benjamin Charlie Haas (I mean, of course, any sane man can see they clearly look alike, I know, but that's not the point. Haas and Benjamin are both nondescript enough without getting them mixed up) but he's still the greatest announcer they have. Bell's Palsy or no shitty Bell's Palsy.

Yeah, The Dastardly Customers were definately JBL and Finlay. I know this because I am the number one with a bullet fan of Booker T during that whole period. Shit, King Booker winning the belt from Rey Mysterio is one of the very few World Title changes I've given a shit about in the last 5 years. I thought Booker T looked good just before he left WWE when he was working with Lawler and calling out Triple H but TNA absolutely kills the spirit of most of its wrestlers and Booker essentially treated 90% of his time there as one giant piss take because it was clear he wasn't having the time of his life there. Dustin Rhodes went there, and on every TV taping, looked like a guy who just found a pube in his cornflakes but now, he's one of my favourite people in WWE. Maybe same might happen with Booker for whatever (probably short) time he has left. I could dig him going back there anyway. Like the idea of putting him on ECW too in a Goldust/Regal kinda role. Umaga has unfinished business with Mysterio and Taker, business that I'd buy shares in. Taker needs heel challengers, they could do worse than feeding him Umaga for a couple months.

I always totally liked that they had literally nothing to say about him apart from essentially 'Well, um...he can jump really high and run to the ring really, really fast, folks! SHIT YEAH! Ah, we got nothing.' Was always one of their 'he's got, bah Gawd, unlimited potential, folks' guys for years too, like Test was. Well, yeah, but when exactly do we start expecting them to start showing and living up to potential? Test can't now though. Obviously.

Eddie Guerrero dying. Check and mate. And I don't think there was ever a point in Billy Gunn's career when he was ever as good as JBL in the ring. Shit, off the top of my head I could probably name about 15 JBL matches better than Billy Gunn's best match. Coupled with him being one of the best talkers of the last 5 years, he was much more viable for a push than Gunn who should have been pushed into a tank full of sharks. Sharks with AIDs. Who had guns for fins. It'd give him a reason to do his shitty flopping fish selling at least. I'm not saying JBL was a spectacular main eventer but a much better option than Billy Gunn. Also, for someone like myself who thought Sean O'Haire was the drizzling shits and was literally just a Swanton and nothing more and who had a decent character in taped, rehearsed vignettes but looked like he was shitting himself live and couldn't translate said character beyond said taped, rehearsed vignettes, could I hear why people thought he was the cat's pyjamas? Because I never ever ever saw it. Explain it...slowly. And then tell me what you're wearing.

Not sure if anyone else will give a flying rat's anus but I'm posting it anyway. Taken from a book about St. Louis wrestling I'm reading ('Wrestling at the Chase' by Larry Matysik, available from play.com) is the following scan containing a handwritten list by Sam Muchnick from 1978 of television taping payoffs to wrestlers. http://i683.photobucket.com/albums/vv195/DCFC_2009/12-10-2009184247-1.jpg Book also explains how Muchnick never hid the gate receipts from wrestlers so with their payoff they'd get a box office statement and a tax breakdown so they always knew how much exactly they were entitled to whereas most other promoters were dirty rotten scoundrels who hid that from the wrestlers. Another excerpt from the book: Meh, I'm interested in little stuff like this from another era. Screw you all.

It is kind of a slightly strange direction and notion to take anyway. I mean, kids like swear words, blood, violence and general edgy stuff (apart from Edge because he sucks), I know I did anyway and aside from the odd ritual killing I turned out okay. Shit, Stonecold Steve Austin, remember him? Youngsters...kinda...liked...him. You know, just a tad.

If he wasn't greater than Vader (and I'd probably still say Vader was better. Vader is, if not the top, certainly in the top 2 or 3, best monster wrestlers in history), I don't think there's much of a case to be made against the argument that he's certainly the best monster wrestler since Vader. I know, I know, I'm shocked it isn't Abyss too. It's a difficult one though, Vader probably had a better run at his absolute peak than Lesnar did at his but then Vader had been wrestling at a decent level for 5 or 6 years before his tremendous run in 92/93-ish (and in terms of just sheer consistency that run is one of the greatest in history, monster wrestler or not. He was probably, at times during that run, the greatest wrestler in the world) and had experience in Japan and whatnot. Lesnar was only in a major promotion for two years which really ain't shit in wrestling and his peak was still to come and had he stayed in WWE and continued to improve at the rate he was improving (and he had improved a hell of a lot in terms of the mic and performance aspect of WWE), I think it's pretty easy to assume, he'd have been real close to Vader level. But even then, he'd probably still, for me, not quite have been on Vader's level in terms of sheer menacing and intimidating monster work. That guy was just a fu*king beast.