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Martial Arts

501 things we've learned from wrestling


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It does exactly as it says on the tin.


1. Women have to be 18-28 with no boyfriends and no husbands to ride Space Mountain.


2. No Hair, No Flair.


3. Heels must never ever ever mention that Hulk Hogan may...actually...be...a...little...bit...bald. SHOCK HORROR.


4. Vince McMahon loves him some hillbilly gimmicks. See also, midgets. Nothing funnier than midgets. Hillbilly midgets would probably give him a hernia he'd laugh so much.


5. Vince Russo outlived his usefulness a decade ago but people still employ him.


6. Taz hates the Solar System.


7. JBL hates Terry Taylor and Lex Luger.


8. Babyfaces are usually naive idiots who trust someone even though Ray Charles could see that someone is not a nice person and will probably turn on them. And Ray Charles is blind. And also dead.


9. Terry Funk can't be just an act, he has to be at least a little bit legitimately crazy.


10. Terry Funk is also the greatest wrestler of all time.


11. I change my opinion on who the greatest wrestler of all time is daily.


12. It'll never be Triple H though.


13. Or Shawn Michaels.


14. Kurt Angle is FINE, people.


15. Mr. Perfect would take a 360 degree bump after tripping on a daisy.


Proceed, mofos. There are a billion trillion of them but 501 will do for now.

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Guest The Beltster
18. "There are many things that have been classed as Perfect over the years, which have collapsed, like bridges for example..."
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23. Samoans love food


24. If at first you don't succeed, screw them. In Montreal, if possible.


25. Being screwed in Montreal instantly gives you a 10 year free pass of whining to anyone who'll listen


26. Meltzer and Alvarez have no nutritional value and should never be agreed with, on anything, ever


27. Being disappointed in TNA copying near-death WCW is an offense


28. Joey Numbers could be the greatest main event star ever... if he were ever to debut (credit: Reynolds, RD.)


29. Jerry Lawler and Rob Feinstein swap Christmas cards and lifestyle tips

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Guest The Beltster

38. Stomping your foot makes you punch harder.


39. Hitting a legdrop doesnt hurt you, but missing one means you are paralyzed.


40. Scratching people to the back is devastating.

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45. Never forget that Mr Kennedy is called Mr Kennedy


46. HBK never loses clean


47. HHH is the game.


48. Vince is Raw superstar of the decade

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