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Talk Wrestling Online Community Newsletter #223 - 20/09/09 - Violins of Death Metal


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Talk Wrestling Online Community Newsletter

Issue #223 – September 20th 2009





The Editorial


It's been said that I, your esteemed editor, have the sensitivity of a brick, but don't let that deter you from what promises to be an exciting and varied read through the latest edition of the Community Newsletter.


First off, let's introduce our latest columnists, Chriscare and Dusty Finish. The former will take up the long-awaited mantle of the TNA feature known as The Impact Zone, while the latter takes the reigns for the MMA segment we like to call The Tap Out Chronicles.


A new feature that will be debuting in the next edition is The Devil's Advocate where two members of the forum will each give their feelings on a particular topic (one pro- the other anti-) and it'll be the conviction in their words, the strength behind their arguments and the way they put them across that will win the day. Check your inboxes for PMs over the coming weeks, depending on which subjects are hotly debated in the various forums across the board.


In addition to all that newbie-overload, we still have all our old favourites and recently added regular attractions like Quote/Unquote, Movie Mayhem, Field of Play, Ghettoblastin', Room101, Blabbermouth, Member Spotlight, On the Mic, Live Wire 2.0, The MaxX-Files, This Week in WWE, Meet the Team (now two questions instead of three due to the amount of contributing writers) and all the stats you can shake an imaginary stick at, so what are you still doing reading this?


Enjoy the ride,




Meet The Team





1) What's your favourite punchline?


DC: She must have crap mileage, the milkman filled her up this morning

Kam: ...and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!!!!

Nimf: No, I'm afraid not!

Laffy: That's not a halo, it's a steering wheel.

TMJ: Because he's a c*nt

TPIB: Why don't you grow up and smoke crack like a normal adult?"

Fiona: Beat the shit out of a ghost

Darkstar: And Decartes dissapeared in a puff of smoke

ChrisCare: Dad?

Dusty Finish: I ordered a pint of Guinness and a packet of cheese & onion crisps.

John Hancock: AIDS

Inno: "Curious about sex?" said Mary's mother. "He's taken her f**king appendix out!"

The Maxx: No, I'm an asshole

O'Brian: A nuclear-powered dildo



2) The death penalty has been reinstated in the UK, but a public vote is announced on which method we'll be using. All the standard choices are there (hanging, firing squad, lethal injection, electric chair, etc), but there is also a box marked [other]. You've chosen the last option, but which method is your [other]?


DC: A real-life version of The Running Man.

Kam: Big Brother in jail...where one person gets 'eliminated' each week.

Nimf: Cheese grater. Death by cheese grater. Slow and bloody painful.

Laffy: Make them listen to Crazy Frog on loop for 22 hours a day in their cell, with a knife and rope placed at their side. I will not be responsible for their death, but they can kill themselves if they want to.

TMJ: I can only go for the comedy option here because I don't actually agree with the death penalty. So I'm going to paraphrase a Stewart Lee line: decapitation, with their head rolling off in front of their partner and a jagged piece of metal debris getting stuck in their eye and blinding them. And then their head rolls on a few more yards into a pool of boiling oil, with the head retaining just enough neural capacity to be able to think “ooh, this is bit hot" before the whole thing explodes into tiny pieces. If you're gonna do it, you might as well go all out.

TPIB: Suicide as a result of watching reruns of The Hills.

Fiona: They should be put to death the same way their victims were killed. Or just have a have a good old fashion stoning. Yeah, that works for me.

Darkstar: Make them watch 1 Night In China with a loaded gun next to them. 1 Bullet, 2 TVs...

ChrisCare: Natural causes.

Dusty Finish: It involves a hosepipe, a length of razorwire and a tub of vasoline, and is for sexual offenders only. I shalln't submit anymore detail as this here is a family forum.... elaboration by PM only!!!

John Hancock: You'd have to eat some sort of explosive gel, jump off a cliff and then the executioner detonates the gel in mid air. Somehow fireworks are involved. I'm not a scientist, I don't know how, but they are. It would be pretty much painless, it would look awesome, the fireworks would cheer everyone up, so the condemned would be giving back to the community, and explosions are generally incredibly bad-ass.

Inno: Being made to watch MTV's Kerry Katona reality show until they voluntarily killed themselves.

The Maxx: Rectal cavity filled with Composition 4.

O'Brian: A modified version of that ride you get at fairgrounds, the one where a centrifuge spins really fast and you stick to the wall... only this version, once the revolutions are going fast enough, instead of the floor disappearing, two big graters come down and slowly inch towards the outer edge, eventually grating the convicted person(s) until nothing is left but small chunks. This would also have the added bonus of removing the bodies a lot easier too.



Talk Wrestling Online Subscribers



Thanks to all the Talk Wrestling Online Subscribers:


Anime_Otaku + BRM + Cathal + Chris2K + Darkstar + Dr. Zero + Drake + Fiona + Fletch + Gemsi + G2G + Gooneronastick + Inno + Jimmy Redman + JobberJoe + Joel + John Hancock + Laffy + Nemesis Enforcer + Omega + Reno + Saz + Shane O Mac + The.Icon + The Maxx + TMJ




Total Subscribers: 26


To find out how you can help support Talk Wrestling Online and become a subscriber see:


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Talk Wrestling Online Stats






1. How Are You Today? [General Chat]


2. The TWO Community Picture Thread [General Chat]


3. WWE Breaking Point Discussion Thread [uS Scene Forum]


4. Main Event Mafia [uS Scene Forum]


5. XTV 5:23 BOOKING THREAD [TWO Stars > Help and Feedback]


6. Random News Update Thread [uS Scene Forum]


7. TWOstars comments that don't require their own thread 2009 [TWO Stars > Help and Feedback]


8. Well, Chalk one more arrest - Jeff Hardy can't say No, apparently [uS Scene Forum]


9. MMA Tycoon [Fight Forum]


10. XTV 5:22 Booking Thread [TWO Stars > Help and Feedback]




1. Darkstar

2. The Maxx

3. Jung

4. John Hancock

5. TGO

6. Omega

7. Saz

8. Nemesis Enforcer

9. Jay 2 the Funk

10. Jimmy Redman



Forum Member's Picks of the Fortnight




~Website~ Besides TWOstars, its either Aint it cool news, or MMATycoon.com


~Movie~ Havent seen anything new in ages, gonna watch The Wrestler tonight. Did reconnect with a gem from my younger days in Weekend At Bernie's.


~Album~ Been listening to Creedence Chronicles a lot lately.


~Book~ Just finished book two of Steven King's epic Dark Tower series, The Drawing of the Three, quite amazing.


~TV Show~ Best episode of any show this past two weeks was an a episode of Destination Truth where they went to an island filled with possessed dolls. If you guys don't have this show go to Hulu and check it out; amazing.


~Videogame~ No games in ages really, wanna get some new WiiWare games soon, thinking Megaman 9 and Bubble Bobble Plus.


~Sporting Moment~ Didnt see any, haven't got to watch an NFL yet much to my dismay.


~Celebrity Moment~ The Kanye West jokes are a highlight of the last two weeks easily.








I Don’t Half Ramble On


C3P0s Diary



Monday 1st of Traaav


I got this lovely leather diary from R2D2 as a Christmas gift. I bought him a delightful hologram projector to replace that dreadful rocket pack he has installed.


I don’t know why he bought me a diary, everything I know is backed-up onto multiple memory chips and stored safely in lead-lined boxes; it would be dreadful if my personality was lost.



Wednesday 17th Traaav


Mistress Leia is having a birthday party tonight. I best be on my best behaviour, I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of all the guests. Rumour has it that the Emperor and that robotic hunk Darth Vader will be there. I may try to chat him up, I speak over 3 million languages, and maybe one of those will have the words to melt his stony heart.



Thursday 18th Traaav


Last night did NOT go as planned. Vader groped me in a closet before telling me that his heart wasn’t in it. That it wasn’t me, it’s him. Seems he’s not over his last partner, some slut called Padme broke his heart.


Stupidly I got drunk and somehow ended up in bed with Artoo. That computer interface adaptor has a lot of uses believe me. When I woke up this morning he was gone, I wonder if he regrets it?



Friday 19th Traaav


Me and Artoo spoke earlier, seems he had to leave as he as working early. I think we are going to make a great couple.



Monday 5th Jule


I’ve been crying all day, I found Artoo packing his long journey stuff. He claims he’s going on a business trip for Mistress Leia, but I heard him talking about some guy called Ben. The bitch must be cheating on me.



Wednesday 7th Jule


Me and Artoo have made up, I’m glad. We had a fight and it cleared the air, I called him some names, he called me some names. I admit I was hurt when he said I was camp. I can’t help that I appreciate the finer things in life, it’s my function. Oh, is that the attack alarm?



Friday 9th Jule


Sand everywhere! I can’t believe Artoo got us into this situation. Vader attacked, Artoo says it’s something to do with this ‘Ben’. I think Vader just wants to get me back. Well if that’s the case I may go back, after all this little bitch Artoo won’t shut up about this Ben. Slag.



Saturday 10th Jule


I got bought by a new master today. A hot blond called Luke, his girlish features and feathered hair make me hopeful for the future. I can’t wait to play his submissive slave.



Monday 12th Jule


OMG! I just met this dashing space captain called Solo, at first I thought he was straight (you should see the size of his pet.. that’s not a euphemism), but I found out better last night! Trouble is, he’s a very selfish lover, Han shot first.



Tuesday 13th Jule


Artoo found my diary and broke up with me. This thing has turned out to be the worst gift ever, it’s ruined my life. No more will I compose my thoughts within.


This is C3P0 signing out.






Movie Mayhem









I was going to go with having this article as a tribute to Patrick Swayze, but others have done tributes already and, I feel, have done a better job than I could to convey the man and his contribution to movies. All I'll say on the subject is that the video located here (apologies for the poor quality) embodies who Patrick Swayze was and how I'll remember him - "My whole life has been about this moment".


As for the actual content of the column this week, I thought I'd take a look at something close to my heart, the humble movie vampire, more specifially, my thirteen favourite movie vampires. The links take you to a YouTube video that is either a scene with the featured character or a trailer for the movie itself.*May contain minor spoilers*




Who: Chet Pussy

Played by: Cheech Marin

Movie taken from:

Quoting the undead: "All right, p*ssy, p*ssy, p*ssy! Come on in p*ssy lovers! Here at the Titty Twister we're slashing p*ssy in half! Give us an offer on our vast selection of p*ssy, this is a p*ssy blow out! All right, we got white p*ssy, black p*ssy, Spanish p*ssy, yellow p*ssy, we got hot p*ssy, cold p*ssy, we got wet p*ssy, we got smelly p*ssy, we got hairy p*ssy, bloody p*ssy, we got snappin' p*ssy, we got silk p*ssy, velvet p*ssy, Naugahyde p*ssy, we even got horse p*ssy, dog p*ssy, chicken p*ssy! Come on, you want p*ssy, come on in, p*ssy lovers! If we don't got it, you don't want it! Come on in, p*ssy lovers!"

Other appearances: n/a

Why are they on the list: Just listen to his sales pitch. This guy is so enthusiastic about his place of employment (and it's Heinz-style list of variety), he's infectious.



Who: Dracula

Played by: Gerard Butler

Movie taken from:

Quoting the undead: "You cannot imagine what I've had to endure. I have borne the very wrath of God, chosen to suffer like no man before."

Other appearances: Dracula has more movie appearances than any other supernatural being.

Why are they on the list: The backstory of who Dracula is and why silver, crosses, etc hurt him is given a wonderful and intriguing, not to mention wholly plausible and logical, twist. Oh, and Butler is great as the man (?) himself.



Who: Deacon Frost

Played by: Stephen Dorff

Movie taken from: Blade (1998)

Quoting the undead: "Oh, so it's back to pretending we're human again? C'mon... spare me the Uncle Tom routine, okay? You can't keep denying what you are, man. You think the humans will ever accept a half-breed like you? They can't. They're afraid of you. And they should be. You're an animal, you're a f*ckin' maniac! Look at 'em. They're cattle; pieces of meat. What difference does it make how their world ends? Plague... war... famine. Morality doesn't even enter into it. We're just a function of natural selection, man. The new race."

Other appearances: In comics and the animated version of Blade.

Why are they on the list: He's just so awesomely cool. Dorff plays him just the right side of swagger and menace, creating a stunning antagonist for Blade. Not to mention, as this character, he's the one guy I'd go gay for.



Who: Marie

Played by: Anne Parillaud

Movie taken from: Innocent Blood (1992)

Quoting the undead: "When you are alone eternally, you live for the comfort of the senses: food, sex. I'd become very selective and it was getting harder for me to find food, even living in the city. My choosiness about food cost me my lover, and without him there is no sex."

Other appearances: n/a

Why are they on the list: She was the first female vampire that, to me was sensual and alluring rather than scary and vicious. She's not the most overtly sexual female (or male) vampire on the list, but Anne Parillaud is so seductive in the role of Marie that you can't help being drawn to her.



Who: Jared Nomak

Played by: Luke Goss

Movie taken from: Blade II (2002)

Quoting the undead: "Vampires... I hate vampires..."

Other appearances: n/a

Why are they on the list: When the news was leaked that Luke Goss had been cast to play the lead villain in the Blade sequel, I could have cried. I loved the first movie (it deserves more credit than it gets for relaunching viable comic-book adaptations) and the idea of a singer from Bros following in the footsteps of Stephen Dorff (see above as to why) filled me with dread... but I was wrong, Luke Goss is a revelation as Jared Nomak and brings the character to life, evoking sympathy and fear when required. Nomak himself is a force of nature and I instantly took to the character and, to this day, still feel he is one of Del Toro's greatest creations. His last scene is one of epic beauty and his final line is heartbreaking in its emotion and resonance, but nothing prepares you for his introduction (the first three minutes of the trailer linked above). You know nothing about him but his name, but in three minutes you realise that Blade was the thing vampires fear, but not anymore.



Who: Jessica Reeves

Played by: Marguerite Moreau

Movie taken from:

Quoting the undead: "All a vampire has is time"

Other appearances: The novels of Anne Rice.

Why are they on the list: She is the perfect mix of curiosity, vulnerability and innocence who finds herself drawn to Lestat and the vampire culture until... oh, who am I trying to kid? Marguerite Moreau as Jesse Reeves is stunningly hot and this is never more evident than just after she is turned at the end of the movie. She looks amazing, but it's the knowing glint in her eye as she walks into the distance that lets us know things are just about to get interesting.



Who: Rayne

Played by: Kristanna Loken

Movie taken from: BloodRayne (2005)

Quoting the undead: "I don't intend to stop fighting for a second."

Other appearances: Bloodrayne II (2007) and two rather good video games.

Why are they on the list: The games were very enjoyable and the Rayne character was like a fetish club version of Lara Croft. The leather outfits, the figure, the red hair, all comdinined to create an iconic image, so when it came to casting the movie and Kristanna Loken (the T-X from Terminator 3) got the role, it all seemed like a good idea... until the director was also named. Uwe Boll is a name almost as well known as Spielberg, Lucas, Coppola, Scorcese, etc, but not for the same reasons those guys are household names. Boll is without equal when it comes to being the worst mainstream director working today, if not the worst director in general. This is his best film (but that's like saying one pile of shite is better than another) and the reason for that is Loken actually translating the Rayne character (at least physically) to the screen successfully. The acting is atrocious from everyone involved (surprising when you consider the names on the cast list), the direction is pathetic (not surprising) and the action is kinda lame, but, as I said, Rayne is a sexual vampire (technically a dhampir) who wears hot leather, has a stunning body and is a redhead. Seriously, what's not to love



Who: Lestat

Played by: Tom Cruise

Movie taken from: Interview with the Vampire (1994)

Quoting the undead: "Don't be afraid. I'm going to give you the choice I never had."

Other appearances: Queen of the Damned (2002 - Stuart Townsend) and the novels of Anne Rice.

Why are they on the list: Similar to my thoughts when Luke Goss was cast as Jared Nomak in Blade II, Anne Rice almost had a fit when she was told that her most beloved character, the vampire Lestat, would be given to "Mr. Nice Guy" himself, Tom Cruise. After seeing the finished product, she breathed a sigh of relief, admitted she was overly-presumptious and claimed Cruise was perfect in the role... and she isn't wrong. Lestat is a vile creature, but one of such charm and charisma, it's no surprise he usually gets what he wants. He has great one-liners, fantastic diatribes and a stunning re-emergence at the end of the movie, soundtracked to one of the best musical covers in recent memory.



Who: David

Played by: Kiefer Sutherland

Movie taken from:

Quoting the undead: "Initiation's over, Michael. Time to join the club!"

Other appearances: Mentioned in the sequel only.

Why are they on the list: The first "cool" vampire I can remember seeing and the launching pad for Sutherland as an actor in his own right. He's alluring and charismatic, but also vicious and, at the time, scary when vamped out. Not only a great vampire, but an iconic image of the 80s and the moment a star was born.



Who: Severen

Played by: Bill Paxton

Movie taken from: Near Dark (1987)

Quoting the undead: "Howdy. I'm gonna separate your head from your shoulders. Hope you don't mind none."

Other appearances: The remake of Near Dark was due to be getting filmed as you read this, but due to the success of Twilight, has been put on indefinite hold for the moment.

Why are they on the list: In a group of hard-as-nails and downright terrifying vampires (although they are never called as such), Severen is the worst. A f*cking force of nature, the redneck is as violent a vampire as you'll have seen in a movie and he doesn't care who it is, he'll kill them in a heartbeat, although, he "hates it when they ain't been shaved".



Who: Mina Harker

Played by: Peta Wilson

Movie taken from:

Quoting the undead: "It's possible I can't die. Same could be said of you. Let's put it to the test."

Other appearances: The comic from where the movie was adapted, the Dracula mythology and the TV show Demons.

Why are they on the list: Taking the Bram Stoker character of Mina Harker (her married name, her original surname was Murray) and making her a vampire was a bold move (the events in LXG, both movie and comic, take place after the Dracula novel) and one that pays off. Her fight with Dorian Gray (where his painting has also made him immortal) is the main highlight of the film, but the scene where she seductively cleans her lips with her finger left an indelible impression, at least on me. Peta Wilson does a great job with the character and she is one the classiest female vampires you'll come across.



Who: Aleera

Played by: Elena Anaya

Movie taken from: Van Helsing (2004)

Quoting the undead: "Did I scare you? Then maybe I need to try... a little harder"

Other appearances: As Aleera, this is the only appearance, but since she is a Bride of Dracula, technically most movies featuring Dracula has a version of her in them.

Why are they on the list: Did you not see her picture?



Who: Blade (Eric Brooks)

Played by:

Movie taken from:

Quoting the undead: "OK, Vampire Anatomy 101, crosses and running water don't do dick so forget what you've seen in the movies. You use a stake, silver or sunlight. You know how to use one of these? [hands her a gun]"

Other appearances: Blade II (2002) and Blade Trinity (2004) as well as the Blade TV Series (where he's played by Kirk Jones), various Marvel-character cartoons and Marvel comics.

Why are they on the list: Blade is just a bad mo-fo, no two ways about it. Another thing to take on board is that, to me, Wesley Snipes is Blade. Some actors just get a role and it fits them so perfectly, it's like they were born to play the character and that's the case here. A snarling, violent, anti-hero who goes about his job with the minimum of fuss and encapsulating extreme prejudice with every kill, Blade is the other Dark Knight. Also, when this was released, it was the first movie from Marvel in the current run of comic-book adaptations (and, incidentally, the only one Marvel didn't put there name to at the time in case it failed), was an instant success and without it, there would be no X-Men series, no Spider-Man franchise, no Iron Man, Hulk, upcoming Avengers, etc, etc. Oh, and for the last line of the final battle ("Some motherf*ckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill"), he deserves all the recognition in the world.


Special mentions must also go to the following (even though some aren't actually from movies); Evil Vampire Willow, Angel, Spike (and, to be honest, most of the important Buffy/Angel vampires), Quinn from Blade and the girls from Razor Blade Smile.


If you haven't seen some or all of the movies listed above, go and do so (with the exception of BloodRayne - just look at some stills and/or play the games instead) as I'm sure you'll enjoy them.





Quote, Unquote






Oops, he's done it again. I mean, was it really a surprise when news broke this week about Jeff Hardy's arrest for drug trafficking? For those who raised their hands, give yourself a slap. Moore County's bastion of public service, The Pilot, broke the story of Hardy's arrest. The following is taken directly from the article.


"Hardy, 32, of 265 Boys Camp Road, Cameron, was arrested after a search of his residence yielded 262 Vicodin prescription pills, 180 Soma prescription pills, 555 milliliters of anabolic steroids, a residual amount of powder cocaine and items of drug paraphernalia..."


As usual TWO members jumped on this story with their usual vigour and, as usual, I've come along just to make sure that everything stays in context.

He looks like he's never seen a steroid.
He may have never seen a steroid, but he's sure to be seeing four walls and bars in the future. I just hope he doesn't drop the soap in the shower.
Basically he wanted to leave the WWE to go back to taking drugs all day long. He didn't want to show the WWE up while under contract, so just waited until he was out. :tdown
Yes, how dare he show up a company that requires 250lb spandex-clad, sweaty, oily men to grapple each other to the ground? What was he thinking? Hey wait a minute.
don't worry vince will hire him back and give him the world title as examples to others
No, what would be crazy is for Vince to hire Mick Foley and give him the World Title. Oh silly me, it's been done.
prescription pills and anabolic steroids - Maybe he HAD prescriptions for these, remember his back has been hurting, and thats why he has taken time off to heel.


Just a though.

Ah, TGO let's us in on the defence team's first theory. Poor Jeff, he'll never see the light of day again. Next.
And they said coke too, so maybe both.


A little light humour in the light of Jeff Hardy possibly making a huge f*ck up.



This one is for Nimf. Also it's pretty damm funny.
Did the police search his home because of all the talk of his drug taking during his CM Punk rivalry?
Yes, but ssssh, don't tell anyone. The ring was bugged.
Sounds to me like he's likely to get done for possession with intent to supply (or whatever it's american equivalent is), which (unless Jeff has a great lawyer) usually means a stint in the pen.


I think the most shocking part of all of this for me is finding out that Jeff Hardy's middle name is Nero. WTF man, WTF?

I know just what you mean; Nero. NERO. All those Swanton Bombs where actually suicide attempts. Go figure.
So the cops were tiped off about Jeff... Since no-one leaves WWE on their own terms (WWE leaves you damn it!) was Vince near a phone at the time is the pressing question :lol
Nem, didn't you know the Money Giveaway was just a ruse. Foolish man.
He comes from North Carolina, what were you expecting?
Actually I was expecting him to get arrested for marrying his sister. Boy, do I feel stupid now.
I am taking down my Jeff Hardy posters today as whenever I look at his face hanging on my wall, it makes me think how stupid he is, plus when people see the posters I don't want to hear them say, "Oh, that's the drug addict wrestler". Plus, he's no longer a favorite of mine. I am wondering what to do with my Hardys poster featuring both Matt & Jeff, but maybe I will cover Jeff's half up with another poster :lol
I have an idea, send the pictures of the "drug addict wrestler" to the "drug addict wrestler", he'll need something to cover the walls of his cell. Oh and Nimf wants one too.




(John Hancock)





Last week, somewhat rightfully, I was called overly cynical. This was a pretty fair observation, so I've decided to rectify that this week. The following is the Top Ten Music Acts That I Unquestioningly Love.


Now, my favourite band is At The Drive-In. Also up there, you've got Paramore, Coheed and Cambria, Gallows, Alexisonfire, Smashing Pumpkins, Taking Back Sunday, Alkaline Trio... all pretty boring really. I've decided to change this week list. I now present the Top Ten Music Acts That I Unquestioningly Love Despite The Obviously Social Stigma.


10. Charles Manson




When I did criminology in university, I specialised somewhat in serial killers, specifically the media's reaction to serial killers. This involved watching a lot of interviews and documentaries. How many? Too many. How could I tell? Because I found myself walking around, humming Charles Manson songs. I soon dropped criminology, for different reasons, but I still sometimes find myself singing Manson's songs. But, I guess, at least he's better than Marilyn Manson,


9. Kanye West




Now, I don't think there's anything wrong with really liking his music, but I always feel like there is, just because he's such a dislikable person. I'll listen to murderers, rapists, racists, communists, paedophiles, all kinds of people, with a clear conscious, but then Kanye will come on my iPod shuffle, and I'll suddenly feel dirty and, really, I have no ide... Imma let you finish, but Tom Cruise had one of the greatest public break downs that, though originally funny, was over referenced to the point that it got horribly cliched and boring OF ALL TIME.


8. Musicals




Hello everyone... my name's John Hancock, and I... I like musicals. I suppose it all started when I was young. My Mum listened to musicals, I grew up seeing her do it and I guess I got it from that; I've been listening to musicals ever since. I started on the soft stuff; Phantom and Chicago, but then I moved onto the harder stuff; Cabaret and Les Mis. It was only when I found myself in a mindless haze, listening to the Cage Au Folles soundtrack, that I realised I have a problem. I just wanna get clean man... I just wanna get clean.


7. Beastie Boys




I maintain that I have NOTHING to be ashamed of here. I always thought it was perfectly fine to like the Beastie Boys, but, apparently it isn't anymore. I don't care though. This is honestly my favourite rap group ever... and you can quote me on that.


6. Slipknot




This is a major case of like the band, hate the fans. They aren't death metal, they aren't particularly heavy metal, and if you think otherwise, you're incorrect. But, to me, none of that matters. They're a pop-metal band, who dress up like Halloween characters and aim their music directly at impressionable children. Cool. They still make really fun music though, and, to me, that's what really matters. I also happen to be something of a fan of the masks gimmick.


5. My Chemical Romance




Unlike most emo music, which I completely love, I can actually see why people hate MCR. They dress like idiots, they look like idiots, the singers voice is really weird, and they are really, really, really.... emo. All of this is true, all of it, but you know what, the 16 year old in me still hasn't got over them. This band is probably my guiltiest of pleasures.


4. Limp Bizkit




Eeeergh. I'm so torn here. I hate Limp Bizkit. I hate Fred Durst. I hate most of their fans. I hate nu-metal. But... if I'm in a club... and Break Stuff comes on... I go crazy. I don't know what it is, I don't want to, but I do. There's something about certain Limp Bizkit songs that bypasses my hatred, my cynicism and contacts some really primitive part of my mind. Ergh.


3. Fall Out Boy




You see, I don't actually think there's anything wrong with Fall Out Boy. I think they're really, really good, but a lot of people seem to utterly hate them. Thankfully, these people are almost entirely heavy metal-loving, over weight, hirsute virgins with no sense of humour, so I've no problem with people like that looking down on me. I'm guessing it's more what they represent, rather than how they sound, that p*sses people off so much, but you know what, I don't care, Fall Out Boy are honestly, legit one of my favourite bands of all time.


2. Miley Cyrus




Yeah? Yeah? And what? She's good. She doesn't have swearing, or 18 hour guitar solos, or deep lyrics, and you know what? Good! This is pop music at it's finest. Child friendly, catchy and hook heavy.


1. Will Smith




Come on now, it's WILL SMITH. WILL! SMITH! Probably the most likable man in history. Anyone my age was raised on Fresh Prince of Bel Air and can sing, word for word, the theme tune. Add to that the greatness of the original Men in Black and you soon realise that, if you're in your early 20's/late teens, Will Smith IS your childhood. He's also easily the most pop-friendly rapper of all time. No-one, NO-ONE can sit down, hear his songs and be in any sort of a bad mood. Rumour is that this man is a Scientologist. If he is, honestly, I don't care, Will Smith gets unlimited "get-out-of-jail-free" cards from me.



Member Spotlight








What's your name and how did you come up with it?

My name is Matt Denton... And my mommy made it.


How did you find TWO?

Google knows all.


And what keeps you coming back?



Do you have a favourite wrestler? Least favourite?

Best Wrestler Ever: Chris Jericho - Worst Wrestler Ever: Whoever the douche is in the BPW Backyarding Videos.


If you could change one thing about your favourite wrestling promotion, what would it be?

Have Zack Ryder pop up on all programs like Gregory Helms did and just randomly go "WOO WOO WOO, YOU KNOW IT!!"


Have you ever met any wrestlers? If so, who?

Doug Williams, Nick Aldis (AKA Brutus Magnus), Katie Lea Burchill & Mr. Kennedy. I'm gonna meet more in January on the TNA Maximum Impact tour.


Do you have a favourite 'novelty' character?



What fantasy match would you book if you could use anyone from any promotion in any era?

Iron Sheik Vs Brian Blair.


If you could be the referee for one match from the past, what would it be?

Bret Hart Vs HBK at Survivor Series '97. I want to be hated, dammit!


Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?

Being 5 years older. :)


What's the stupidest thing you've ever done?

Phoned up the WWE head office in Stamford, CT the day after Vince McMahon blew up and offered my condolences. They passed me about 7 or 8 times office to office to hear the English dude who believes wrestling angles are real.


What 3 things can you not live without?

Internet, Kevin Smith Films, Pepsi Max


Who are your top 3 posters and why?

Reno, Dr. Zero and Inno. because they're all awesome (Honorable mentions to TMJ and Jimmy Redman)


What about your bottom 3 posters?

JayFunk, SHL and JayFunk. Need I an explanation?


If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you'd buy?

I'd only play the EuroMillions so the first thing I'd buy is a large house in Connecticut.


If you could be the Admin for a day what permanent changes would you make and why?

Banning SHL for life because he cannot take a joke.


Okay, quick answers now:

Fruit or vegetables?

Why do I think this has homosexual connotations? Neither.


Mash or chips?



Rain or sun?



Cereal or toast?



Do you have anything you'd like to add?


Viva La Resistance!




Field Of Play






This fortnight has been great sports-wise; we've had a tennis player threaten to kill an umpire and go on to lose a semi-final via a code violation. A comeback, which culminated in winning the US Open; the first time a mum has won since 1980 when Evonne Goolagong Cawley won Wimbledon. The image of Clijsters' child running across the court will stay in my mind forever.




Whisper it quietly, for another miracle happened at the men’s final; Federer not only lost his cool and swore at the linesman (fined $1,500), but loses the match to Del Potro. The young Argentine now has the world at his feet. He's the first player to beat both Nadal and Federer to win a major.


Did anyone see Taylor Dent celebrating with the crowd? Overcome by emotion and delirious when he won not only his first round match, but his second as well. Normally this is not something to celebrate, but when you think that last year he was in a wheelchair being told he would never walk again, let alone play tennis, then this achievement comes into focus.


Great Britain has a new star in Heather Watson. She won the US Open junior girl's title, whereas an old star Peter Norfolk won his second US Open wheelchair quad title. Norfolk, the double Olympic gold medallist, has now won 16 majors, which is amazing considering, apart from Wimbledon (and here this fortnight) wheelchair tennis is never talked about. I personally only caught the highlight of his match when I was bored with the cricket one-day international against Australia.


In other sports, F1 is in the news again this time Renault are in the firing line for insisting that their driver Nelson Piquet, Jr. deliberately crashed in Singapore last year to help team-mate Fernando Alonso win the race.


Flavio Briatore and Pat Symonds have resigned, taking responsibility for the actions of the team. I was amazed when I first heard the accusations and thought it was a case of sour grapes from their former employee as he lost his drive with the team. I never thought it was true and was shocked that Renault are not contesting the charge, especially after announcing that they were launching a legal action against both Piquet, Jr. and Sr. about their allegations. Renault's future will be decided on Monday.


Weird Sports


Man versus Horse Marathon


The annual Man versus Horse Marathon takes place in the Welsh town of Llanwrtyd Wells, every June. The event started in 1980, when a landlord of the Neuadd Arms Hotel decided to hold the event after hearing two men arguing about whether or not an individual could beat a horse in a cross country race.


This year more than 600 competitors raced across the 22-mile course climbing three mountains and two rivers in Llanwrtyd Wells, mid Wales, but it was Duke’s Touch of Fun, ridden by Geoff Allen, who won in two hours and nine minutes. The fastest human competitor, Mark Cox was eight minutes behind.




The same horse won last year as well, but finished only 30 seconds in front of the first runner John McFarlane. In 2004, history was made when Huw Lobb won the race beating the horse by two minutes and 17 seconds. This is still the only time this feat has been achieved.



Devils Advocate









THE MaxX-Files











Welcome to another installment of The MaxX-Files. In this edition I am going to try and explain, or at least give a theory to, a phenomenon that most of us have experienced at least once in our lives. What is this great mystery? Well it starts with a simple question…


How often have you experienced déjà vu?


How often have you experienced déjà vu?


Cheep gag, I know, but it does bring up a good point. More then 70% of the population reports having at least some form of déjà vu. A higher number of incidents occur in people 15 to 25 years old than in any other age group.


But what is déjà vu?


Well, that’s kinda complicated. So lets start with the basics. The term deja vu literally means, "already seen." Those who have experienced the feeling describe it as an overwhelming sense of familiarity with something that shouldn't be familiar at all. Say, for example, you are traveling to somewhere for the first time. You are sightseeing and suddenly it seems as if you have been in that very spot before. Or maybe you are having dinner with a group of friends or family, discussing some current ineptitude of Kanye West, and you have the feeling that you've already experienced this very thing (granted, Kanye does this crap all the time) before. Same place, people, etc.


Deja vu has been firmly associated with temporal-lobe epilepsy. Reportedly, deja vu can occur just prior to a temporal-lobe seizure. People suffering a seizure of this kind can experience deja vu during the actual seizure activity or in the moments between convulsions.


I get it; it has to do with brain disorders right? Well, not entirely.




Deja vu occurs in individuals with and without a medical condition, there is much speculation as to how and why this phenomenon happens. Several psychoanalysts attribute deja vu to simple fantasy or wish fulfillment, while some psychiatrists ascribe it to a mismatching in the brain that causes the brain to mistake the present for the past. Many parapsychologists believe it is related to a past-life experience.


Now I’m no parawhatever, but I have an interesting theory of my own. This is where things get weird so bare with me. This theory deals with the idea that time itself is not linear as we perceive it, but a series of branches where we have made different choices.




For example, you are sitting at an intersection and you have a few choices. You can go left, right or forward. You chose to go left. Well, theoretically, in a different reality you went right, creating a alternate reality that exists simultaneously right next door to our own. Think of déjà vu as a window where you are catching a glimpse of that alternate reality. You feel like you have been here and done this before, because you have, just not here. With every choice you make, a different version of you in another reality made the opposite choice and in another one, you did nothing at all.


I know, I know. Complicated. But it fits with a lot of scientific research being done as we speak, so it’s not as far fetched, as it may seem. Some of this research is being done using psychotropic drugs on humans, trying to maintain the feeling of déjà vu long enough to see if we can keep that window open so we can see what’s going on in there. Or if you’re the American military, wondering if those damn clones are plotting against us.


I just hope they don’t rupture the thin wall of reality and out duplicates come pouring through the rift. I’m sure plenty of mine would want to kick my ass for the choices I didn’t make that created them.


Can you imagine an infinite number of ShaolinHandLock’s invading our reality?


I’ll leave you to ponder that…



Room 101






The thing that is in Room 101 is the worst thing in the world


Welcome readers, welcome to the Ministry of Love. My name is O’Brian and I will be taking you through a process where we uncover your most hated and feared things in life. Those sufficiently evil will be placed in Room101, they are the worst things in the world.


The rules of Room101 are easy. One of the proles is brought in and interrogated about 5 things they believe should be confined into Room101 forever. I, O’Brian, will decide which, if any, deserve to go into that dark place. Should a prole get three or more of their nominations into the room they are allowed to pick a bonus item to go in, overriding me. Should they get two or less in, something will escape to haunt their dreams.


Tonights ‘volunteer’ has a lot to moan, complain and whine about. A woman, a parent, married… to DC. Yes, this poor, overworked soul is Nimf. Greetings, tell Mr O’Brian that which is troubling you.








I hate mushrooms. I hate the feel, the smell, the look of mushrooms. They're fungus. You get fungus between your toes (okay, not everyone but it happens). You don't eat that do you? No. So why eat this fungus? And they get everywhere! Buy a nice looking ready meal from a supermarket. Cook it up, looks good. And what do you spot in the sauce? BLOODY MUSHROOMS!!! Totally ruins the meal.


I don’t eat mushrooms and there’s a reason for that, mushrooms taste like the little rubber bits on the end of pencils, and have roughly half the nutrients. Why not just stew up a condom? It will be as chewy and at least the lubrication will enable it to slip down your throat with ease. Ask Jayfunk.





People not saying thank you





So there I am, walking along, minding my own business. Being my usual normal Nimfy self. I move out of the way for someone to pass along a thin piece of footpath. Do they say thank you? Do they bloody bollocks... How long does it take to say thank you? Like a second? Does it hurt? The same happens if you hold a door open for someone. Thanks aren't a hard think to give, it's surely common courtesy isn't it?


I can’t disagree at all. I was brought up to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. It costs nothing and makes life just that little bit more bearable all round. At the very least smile and nod at me, acknowledge that I have done something nice, even though it’s on a very small scale, for you. Being polite is far better than being rude.





TV shows not recording to the end





When I set my TV shows to record, I expect them to record to the end. There's not many things I find more annoying than the programme cutting off before you see to the credits. And have you noticed this only ever happens if it's at a cliffhanger? Sport is often to blame for this happening - if things run late, then it doesn't adjust itself and only records for the half hour/hour that’s set. HATE IT!!!


This problem was solved years ago. A little code was put in TV magazines next to each show. You put that code into the VCR and when the show came on it sent the code out, triggering the record function. For some reason that just doesn’t happen anymore and I don’t understand why. With the advent of Sky+ this should easily be done automatically, but no.





Miserable check-out staff





I've worked on a check-out before. It's hardly the most glamorous job but one thing I always made sure I did was smile and be friendly. It makes a hell of a difference and it's a nice feeling, so why don't all staff do this? Now, I'll accept sometimes they may be having a bad day but, for example, the Iceland near me has THE most miserable people in the history of the planet. I swear, they never smile. I even try joking or smiling at them. Does it work? Does it hell.


This ties in quite well with your earlier one about Ps and Qs. A customer-facing employee should always have an appropriate expression and a scowl, or a smacked-arse face, should never be considered right for this kind of job. It’s again just rude.





Online bullies





What's that saying - sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me? Give me sticks and stones every day. I take things to heart, I make no apologies about it. If I didn't, then I would be much less adorable Bullies in real life are bad enough and can be downright horrible. But online bullies? People who get their kicks out of picking on people they have either never met or only met once or twice. It drives me crazy because they are the same people who turn around and say "it's only the internet" to defend themselves. Typing words down, writing them down and saying them to someone’s face is exactly the same. If anything, people are more open online so will give out more info on themselves, so these online bullies can get to know a person probably as well as real life friends. Seriously, if it's only the internet, then stop being so damn pathetic and leave people alone!


To a degree yes. But at what point does an argument become bullying? For example, recently on TWO (yes, I lurk now and then) there was an argument between multiple members and a member called Franchise. Insults were traded, mostly though they were aimed at Franchise. Is that bullying? Or was it deserved? Finding the line between arguments and bullying is harder online than in real life.


That said, when you stop putting over a point and just attack people without provocation and with no intent of shared humour then you have crossed a line, much like if you involve someone’s family (I believe you had that problem in the past).


Yeah, if you cross the line with both feet and laugh about it you are a ****.





Well done Nimf, that’s 5 for 5 in Room101. Your choices were good and I am pleased, so pleased in fact that you may leave The Ministry unharmed. Just remember Big Brother is always watching.




Wrestling 101 Info Centre




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> Matt Hardy: Main-Eventer?


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> The Rumor Mill: Featuring Batista, BG James, Jerry Lawler, and More…


> The Rumor Mill: Featuring Rey Mysterio, Jim Ross, Scott Hall and More…


> CBlog XLV - Jeff Hardy, Linda McMahon, TNA Releases and more!


> SSP#18: WWE Breaking Point Predictions, Rey Mysterio’s Suspension and SSP’s Top 10



The Tap Out Chronicles

(Dusty Finish)







As someone who grew up with tape-trading (remember that, wrestling fans over-23?), what would become known as Mixed Martial Arts was a curiosity born out of too much disposable income & a semi-familiar name in Dan Severn in the early 1990s. Today, as pretty much a former pro-wrestling fan (due to it's devastating quality decline) and full-blooded MMA afficondo (the switch in affection coming about due to a rise in prominence & accessibility for the latter, amongst other reasons), I'm well used to enquiries from disenchanted pro-wrestling fans about where to begin with that "cage fighting stuff". Indeed, we have a pinned thread dedicated to such inquisition in the Fight Forum.


I recall a quip on said part of the board some time ago (I forget from whom) that they had "never bought into the hype" around one particular MMA stalwart. In concession, a peruse of this man's win-loss record would hardly leave one inspired, and sight of many of his given fights with the volume turned down may not get virgin-eyes jumping from their seat with the proverbial ants in the pants. However, I hereby feel the need to impose that the aura and affection that, in the present day, surrounds Randy "The Natural" Couture is down to the fact that there was, in actuality, never any hype whatsoever.




At this point, many regular Fight Forum dwellers may well be induced to a yawning fit - "Oh, look, here's Dusty Finish going on about Couture again". Admittedly, I call sacrilege on Clay Guida using Foo Fighters' "My Hero" as his Octagon entrance theme, yet I truly believe that a friendly nudge towards a journey of self-discovery into the competitive history of the Team Quest-pioneer is one that a pro-wrestling fan would find merit in, given the extensive tale of consistently defying odds & surpassing expectations that lies therewithin.


Randy Couture, two time Greco Roman Olympic reserve, was working as assistant wrestling coach at Oregon state (and already well into his 30s) when he first indulged in what was then commonly still referred to as NHB - or No Holds Barred - competition (even though, by definiton, it really wasn't). Bizarre as it may seem to latter day converts, Couture walked straight into the UFC for his first ever fight (it wasn't unusual back then) entering the four- man heavyweight tournament at UFC 13 in May 1997, on a couple of weeks notice as a late replacement for... um... someone or other (it's not important!). The visually unimposing, verbally understated, in-ring conservative Couture defeated Tony Halme & Steven Graham in a combined sub-five minutes, winning the tournament with ease.


Given his aforementioned lack of immediate magnetism, then-UFC matchmaker John Peretti didn't appear to have much use for Couture, and the Washington native, with the credibility of a tourney triumph under his belt, was thrust immediately into a fight with 20 year old, bombastic Brazilian striker Vitor Belfort five months later. The exciting Rio native was clearly intended for superstardom at this juncture and the outcome of what was a number-one heavyweight contender's fight in all but moniker was widely considered a no-brainer. Yet at UFC 15, the previously untarnished Belfort struggled to find range, as Couture controlled exchanges in the clinch and dominated on the mat where he finished the younger fighter with strikes inside nine minutes.


In my opinion, the first man who could lay claim to the moniker "Mixed Martial Artist" was Don Frye: primarily a wrestler, "The Predator" was the first man to effectively mix striking and grappling. To this extent, between Messrs Severn, Shamrock and Mark Coleman (pioneer of Ground & Pound and inagrual UFC Heavyweight Champion), the wrestler was regarded as the early dominant species in NHB competition. A turning of the tides had been hailed when dynamic striker Maurice Smith toppled Coleman for the Heavyweight crown in 1997 and although Couture had seemingly spoiled the intended Smith-Belfort showdown, the emerging Smith juggernaught would, common wisdom dictated, handily dispose of Couture in his first defence (Randy having forcibly imposed himself as challenger by virtue of his vanquishing of "The Phenom"). In an admittedly drab encounter at the first "Ultimate Japan", a horrible event that is to be roundly avoided, the wrestler repeatedly took the striker into uncomfortable territory and imposed his will from the mount. After the alloted 21 minutes had expired (in the days before five minute rounds), all three cage-side judges scored the bout in the favour of Couture and the UFC had a brand new heavyweight standard bearer.


Under the stewardship of Semaphore Entertainment Group (who sold the group to current owners Zuffa in late 2000), the UFC was a cash-haemorraging commodity and the combination of financial unviability & his Olympic aspirations forced Randy into stepping down from Octagon competition and relinquishing his title before defending it. He competed primarily in Japan's RINGS group in his time away from the UFC, compiling an uninspiring 2-2 record in the interim two years. Once again, Couture qualified as alternate, but failed to make the US Greco team for the 2000 Olympics, and it was a combination of this and the impending change of UFC-ownership that enticed him back to the land where he had not yet lost....


Impressive physical specimen though he may have been, new UFC Heavyweight Champion Kevin Randleman was not capturing the imagination of fans, largely due to back-to-back title outings with Pete Williams & Pedro Rizzo that verged on the downright offensive, so drab & uneventful were they. A decisive victory over returning, unbeaten belt-relinquisher Couture would, in the minds-eye of the powers that were, surely give "The Monster's" reign the shot in the arm in so desperately required. Alas, and once again as few forecast, Randy kept the explosive Hammer House man at bay and progressively wore him down for two rounds at UFC 28 in November 2000, regaining the strap he never lost via strikes in the third.




With an already ageing Greco Roman wrestler as the face of their heavyweight division, it was fair to say that the UFC had a heavyweight champion they didn't really want. A subsequent trip back to RINGS, where Couture had begun the group's annual King Of Kings tournament (beating Tsuyoshi Kohsaka & Jeremy Horn en route), saw him submit to Valentijn Overeem in the final match, a happening that hardly increased his (or, in turn, the UFC's) credibility.


By virtue of exciting victories over, amongst others, Tank Abbott & Mark Coleman, Marco Ruas trainee Pedro Rizzo had long been earmarked as the UFC's heavyweight golden boy, but had twice failed to produce at the championship hurdle. With Couture at the helm, Rizzo was again positioned to take the belt- in a pulsating five rounder at UFC 31 in May 2001, Couture took a highly contested split decision victory over "The Rock" - having watched this fight several times myself, I'm still unsure who I score it for! If the promotion's feelings toward Couture had been in doubt before, they were surely rubber stamped when Rizzo was granted an immediate rematch. Again, the younger Brazilian was the strong favourite; at UFC 34, Randy made sure there was no doubt this time, finishing with strikes on the ground in the third.


Couture was relieved of the belt by the bigger, stronger Josh Barnett at UFC 36. When Barnett subsequently failed a drug test & was stripped of the accolade, Couture was positioned against the gargantuan Ricco Rodriguez for the vacant title. Once more, he struggled to contain the bigger man, and Rodriguez forced him into submission with strikes in third. Randy would not be seen for another nine months: for all intents & purposes, he was finally out of the way.


At both UFC 43 & 44, Couture entered the Octagon to boos. On the back of utterly convincing demolitions of Randleman, Belfort & Renato Sobral, Chuck Liddell was the UFC's hottest property. Following six successful title defences, Tito Ortiz was the undisputed 205lb king. The meeting of these two men was the most salivating prospect on the UFC's cards, hence new owners Zuffa were left reeling when Ortiz pulled out less than a month before their scheduled date to "renegotiate his contract" (many believe he desperately did not want to fight Liddell). With his bosses in need of an eleventh hour replacement, Couture, a more natural Light Heavyweight, stepped down in weight as academic cannon-fodder for new champion elect Liddell, only to stun onlookers by dominating the standing exchanges and becoming the first man to win championships in two weight classes, via TKO in the third round. When Ortiz's "contract issues" were suddenly, miraculously resolved, incumbent & interim champions met to unify the belts a mere three months later. Couture took the more imposing Hispanic down at will, scoring a shutout decision victory, and even playfully spanking the hapless Ortiz in the closing minutes of the final round.


Now revered by higher-ups & fans alike, Couture lost (by way of a freak early injury to his eyelid) and regained the championship in trilogy-making fights with Belfort, the latter in the main event of a card aptly titled "Unfinished Business". In the finale of the highest grossing UFC event to that point, Couture finally passed the 205lb torch to Liddell at UFC 52, and retired immediately following the rubber match between the two at UFC 57 in April 2006, amidst highly emotional scenes. An articulate & dignified man, Randy went on from there to work as a colour analyst & ambassador for the promotion. In between the second and third Liddell fights, he toppled Mike Van Arsdale in a fight which, if memory serves, was just about the only outing of his career in which he was commonly expected to win!


With "The Natural" sitting alongside Mike Goldberg & Joe Rogan, disaster struck the perpetually cursed heavyweight ranks in early 2007 when Brandon Vera, number one contender and most encouraging heavyweight prospect in years (yeah, think about how ridiculous that sounds today, it was actually true back then). With champion Tim Sylvia, thoroughly dominating yet roundly loathed on account of his ultra-conservative fighting style, in danger of suffering a prolonged period of inactivity, an itching competition-hound named Randy Couture came out of retirement, stepping back up in weight, to fight "The Maine-iac" at UFC 68. Having struggled to contain men of smaller stature earlier in his career, and now aged 44, this was roundly perceived an errant move. In a literally tear-inducing, Rocky Balboa-esque moment, Couture's hand was raised at the end of five overwhelming rounds. The giant was slain, and Randy was three times a heavyweight champ. In the post-fight words of the man himself, "Not bad for an old man!"




An iconic figure is never without his flaws, of course: without knowing the circumstances, one must reserve judgement of Couture's divorce from his long-term wife and quickfire marriage to a much younger woman. Also, following a successful defence against Cro Cop killer Gabriel Gonzaga, Randy again walked from the UFC amidst vague claims of being "underpaid" & "disrespected" which, in at least public perception, still appear without foundation to this day, at least in context.


An active competitior once more, Couture was crushed by the mammoth Brock Lesnar late last year, and recently dropped a one-sided decision to fellow veteran Antonio Rodrigo Nogueria in a heartwarming fight which showed that both men still have plenty to offer. His days as a championship-level competitor are probably over, and it is unclear precisely where Randy Couture goes from here, but the epic legacy of the man remains undeniable, despite a record that may appear lacklustre to the uninitiated.


Reccomended viewing:


vs Vitor Belfort, UFC 15, 17.10.1997

vs Pedro Rizzo, UFC 31, 04.05.2001

vs Chuck Liddell, UFC 43, 06.06.2003

vs Tito Ortiz, UFC 44, 26.09.2003

vs Tim Sylvia, UFC 68, 03.03.2007


Join me next time out to explore the career of a thrilling fighter who never quite hit the heights his prodigious talent often promised.



This Week in WWE






WWE Breaking Point 2009 Results


The debut edition of WWE Breaking Point came to you, live on pay-per-view, from the Bell Centre in Montreal, Quebec, Canada.


Match Results


  • Unified Tag Team Championship: Big Show & Chris Jericho © def. MVP & Mark Henry by Chris Jericho pinning Mark Henry following the Knockout Punch by Big Show to retain.
  • United States Championship: Kofi Kingston © def. The Miz by pin following Trouble In Paradise to retain.
  • Submissions Count Anywhere: Legacy def. D-Generation X by Shawn Michaels submitting to a ring post-aided Million Dollar Dream/Figure-4 Leg Lock double team submission by Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase.
  • Singapore Cane Match: Kane def. The Great Khali (with Ranjin Singh) by pin following the Big Red Chokeslam.
  • ECW Championship: Christian © def. William Regal by pin following the Killswitch to retain.
  • WWE Championship: "I Quit" Match: John Cena def. Randy Orton © to win the WWE Title.
  • World Heavyweight Championship: Submission Match: CM Punk © def. The Undertaker by "submission" (see "Detailed Results") to the Anaconda Vise to retain.


WWE Monday Night RAW September 14, 2009 Results


One night removed from Breaking Point, the 851st edition of WWE Monday Night RAW came to you, live, from the Air Canada Centre in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.


Match Results

  • The Miz & Jack Swagger def. Kofi Kingston & Primo by Jack Swagger pinning Kofi Kingston following the Swagger Bomb.
  • #1 Contender's Match for the Diva's Title: Alicia Fox def. Gail Kim (in her hometown) by pin following the Fox Kick to become the #1 Contender for the Diva's Title.
  • Shawn Michaels (with Triple H) def. Ted DiBiase (with Cody Rhodes) by DQ after Cody Rhodes interfered.
  • Hornswoggle & Evan Bourne def. Chavo Guerrero & Carlito by Hornswoggle pinning Chavo Guerrero following the Tadpole Splash.
  • 6-Person Mixed Tag Match: Trish Stratus (in her hometown), MVP, & Mark Henry def. Beth Phoenix, Big Show, & Chris Jericho by Trish Stratus pinning Beth Phoenix following Stratusfaction.
  • No Holds Barred: Batista (with John Cena) def. Randy Orton by pin following the Batista Bomb.


ECW September 15, 2009 Results


Two days after Breaking Point, the 171st edition of ECW on Syfy came to you from the Copps Coliseum in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada.


Match Results


  • William Regal def. The Hurricane by pin following the Knee Trembler.
  • Yoshi Tatsu def. Zack Ryder by pin following the Buzzsaw Kick.
  • #1 Contender's Battle Royal: Zack Ryder def. Paul Burchill, Tyler Reks, Yoshi Tatsu, Sheamus, Ezekiel Jackson, Shelton Benjamin, Goldust, Vladimir Kozlov, & Tommy Dreamer (in that order) to become the new #1 Contender for the ECW Title.


WWE Superstars September 17, 2009 Results


The 23rd edition of WWE Superstars came to you from the Air Canada Centre in Toronto, Ontario, Canada (RAW Match) and the Copps Coliseum in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada (ECW & SmackDown Matches).


Match Results


  • Chris Masters def. Santino Marella by submission to the Masterlock.
  • Non-Title: Christian (in his home province) def. Paul Burchill by pin following the Killswitch.
  • Dolph Ziggler def. Finlay by pin following the Zig Zag (Name Drop).


WWE Friday Night SmackDown September 18, 2009 Results


Five nights after WWE Breaking Point, the 526th edition of SmackDown came to you from the Copps Coliseum in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada.


Match Results

  • Non-Title: John Morrison def. Mike Knox by pin following Starship Pain.
  • Non-Title: Melina def. Michelle McCool (in her return to action) by pin with the Last Call.
  • The Hart Dynasty (with Natalya) def. Cryme Tyme (with Eve Torres) by Tyson Kidd pinning JTG following a modified snapmare into a modified neckbreaker.
  • The Great Khali def. Kane by DQ after Kane uses a steel chair.
  • Batista (in his in-ring return to SmackDown) def. Chris Jericho by pin following the Batista Bomb.



The iMPACT! Zone






Hello, and welcome to the first "Impact Zone", where I'm gonna do my best to pour out the contents of my brain and cover everything TNA-related in the most interesting way possible.


Face of the Month




Since his return, Super-Mex has been a joy to watch in TNA's midcard. I personally have found his storyline the main reason I watch TNA with hope, rather than the usual anxiety. Hernandez has been booked brilliantly as the unstoppable hero who fears no amount of overwhelming odds and I think Homicide's turn on him a week ago has given the audience a good bit of sympathy for him. Hernandez is definetely the biggest asset TNA has and if they keep his push going and manage to hang on to him, he's going to be like that of a younger, more talented Batista and will be a huge star. Keep your eye on this one.


Heel of the Month


Eric Young


Eric Young's transformation from Mr. Nice Guy, to super-heel has been nothing short of spectacular. If someone had told me that Eric Young was potentially THE best heel in TNA a few months ago, I would've laughed at them, pointed and possibly thrown my own excretion at them... because that's how I roll. However, even with my excretion on their face, they'd have the last laugh, because in my honest opion, no other heel in TNA has a patch on Eric Young. If Eric Young can up his in-ring performance from his old bland style he can be a huge star in TNA and will surely be the highest beneficiary from the World Elite angle.


Knockout of the Month




Hamada's debut was very impressive; she won over the crowd and the audience with a stellar performance and reminded everyone that the Knockout Division was once the most talked about part of TNA. From this single performance, it seems to me that Hamada is leaps and bounds above the rest of the division, which has struggled since it's loss of Gail Kim. Perhaps Hamada vs Kong could one day recapture what TNA once had, as it's certainly a match I would like to see.


Hire, Fire, Let their contract expire



One person I'd certainly like to see TNA re-hire is ROH's Austin Aries. He was highly under-utilised on his last run, completely wasted in fact, but I think a talented in-ring competitor like him, who's not in need of some ridiculous gimmick, would be a fine addition to TNA's roster. With WWE currently poaching ROH's top guys, it's of my opinion that TNA should put in an offer for him as soon as he's available.


Someone I'd like to see have their ass kicked out of the TNA building is Big Ron Terry. What a waste of space this guy is, a roided-up superfreak who isn't over, has no charisma and has as much wrestling ability as Moppy.


Sometimes TNA do seem to hire people for no reason other than "oh, he was in WWE", so one person who's contract they should let expire is Dr. Stevie. About 12 years past his prime, Dr. Stevie has brought absolutely nothing to TNA. He still has slight name value, so they may as well just let his contract expire and use him to elevate some of the X Division guys, but giving him any kind of exposure other than that just seems a waste of TV time.


Top 5... worst talkers


1. Doug Williams (his promo for for his title shot match was one of the worst I've ever seen)

2. Daniels

3. Samoa Joe

4. Rhino

5. Matt Morgan


We're The Champs


TNA World Heavyweight Champion - Kurt Angle (3) won from Mick Foley June 21st Slammiversary

TNA X Division Champion - Samoa Joe (4) won from Homicide August 16th Hard Justice

TNA Legends Champion - Keven Nash (1) won from Mick Foley August 16th Hard Justice

TNA World Tag Team Champions - MEM Booker/Steiner(1) - won from Beer Money, July 19th Victory Road

TNA Womens Knockout Champion - Vacant as of August 27th

TNA Womens Knockout Tag Champions - Crowned this Sunday


Finally I'd like to wrap up this weeks Impact Zone with my predictions for tonights PPV. See you next issue!


No Surrender Predictions



Sting vs. AJ Styles vs. Matt Morgan vs. Kurt Angle ©


As far as I'm concerned, this match is pretty much only between 2 people, Kurt Angle and Matt Morgan; Sting and AJ have just been an afterthought. Matt Morgan has been booked well on Impact the past couple of months, my only problem is he's still missing some high profile wins. He was made to look great against Joe this week, but the fact they didn't have the guts to give him the win (which wouldn't have hurt Joe anymore than the match did already) makes me think that he's not getting that title just yet. Until we get a one-on-one between these two guys, I expect Morgan to keep chasing the title.


Winner: Kurt Angle



"The Boss" Bobby Lashley vs. "The War Machine" Rhino


I Kinda feel sorry for Rhino, because there's nothing worse than getting a new gimmick change and starting off with a PPV loss. I'm half expecting a debuting Umaga or Kennedy to attack Lashley when its over, but as for this match, there's surely only one winner.


Winner: Bobby Lashley



Daniels vs. Samoa Joe ©


Was Daniels even on this week's Impact? I can't recall seeing him, maybe I blinked. Anyway, this match should be a good one, but Daniels and Joe are on completely different levels these days and I'll be suprised if he can come out of this match looking a threat.


Winner: Samoa Joe



Beer Money vs. Team 3D vs. Scott Steiner & Booker T vs. British Invasion


This match could truly go either way. Expect the faces to really give it their all in this match, as this is the kind of thing they excel in and I believe they're gonna carry it to a fairly decent match (although I'm not expecting anything close to past Lethal Lockdown matches). Booker T and Steiner don't seem to like to lose, but I can't see a heel victory in this one with the quality of the opposing 4, so I'm expecting Brutus Magnus to do the job.


Winners: Beer Money and Team 3D



ODB vs. Cody Deaner


If WWE did Cody Deaner, he would have me in stitches. Cody Deaner seems like a heel that should have some hillariousness to him (ala King Booker, Santino, recent Chavo), but he just doesn't seem to do it for me, therefore I'm still not sure the point in his existence. Don't expect much entertainment from this one, hopefully this'll be the end of the feud and preferably, the less than impressive Cody Deaner character.


Winner: ODB



The Beautiful People vs. Taylor Wilde & Sarita


I find this match confusing, as Angelina Love has been released, so I'm assuming Madison Rayne will replace her. If it were the original incarnation of TBP, I'd assume they'd win it, however, I don't believe Maddison and Velvet have what it takes to make it without Angelina, therefore...


Winners: Taylor Wilde and Sarita



Abyss vs. Kevin Nash ©


Bit unsure about this one after what happened on Impact. I assume we're gonna get a hardcore feud between Foley and Abyss soon, but will it be for the Legends Championship? Naaah.


Winner: Kevin Nash



Hernandez vs. Eric Young


Very much looking forward to this one, although it seems an odd one to have this early on, as usually the hero goes through the whole stable to get to the leader. This makes me think that we're not quite ready to have Hernandez take down the World Elite just yet. Expect plenty of interference in this one.


Winner: Hernandez via DQ




The Live Wire v2.0






Just A Work.


I come off the ropes and it's straight into the clothesline. It barely connects, but it knocks the wind out of me. As I hit the mat, I'm already thinking what move is next; I stay down as I hear the ropes ping... in he comes, I watch him plant one foot and take off. I see him go up and shape for the elbow drop - I roll, he misses and I'm on my feet again.


The crowd pop big for that. I hit the ropes myself as he dives for the mat - I hurdle him and go for the opposite ropes... damn, what's next? Is it a hiptoss or a body drop? I slow down as I head back towards him - he's shaping for the hiptoss, so I go with it - it is the hiptoss, and I sell it like my back is broken. The crowd boo for all they're worth. They're really hot for this tonight.


I get up slow and stumble around, giving him time to climb the ropes... this is gonna hurt, I know it. Off the ropes he comes, just as I get into position and look up - WHAM! - the dropkick hits me in square in the chest and it feels like every drop of breath is forced out of me. I go down, the crowd go wild, screaming at me to get up. I know what's next, and I don't like it one little bit.


Over he comes, and lifts me to my feet - a pause to taunt the crowd, and I feel the tap on my back us he turns me upside down and puts me in place - I lock my hands behind his back. "GO!" he whispers as he takes the little hop into the air and I get ready to tuck my head up...


Then nothing. It goes black. Time seems to stop.


Next thing I know, I'm staring at the ceiling, the crowd that was once hot is now silent. I hear someone say something to me, but I can't make it out so I just shake my head. I try to get up - I can't move. I hope it's because I'm strapped to a body board, but I fear the worst. The silence of the crowd is broken by one voice : "It's just a work, he'll be back for next week's TV".


I wish I was that sure. You always hear people say that it just takes one slip and you're finished in this business, you just never think it'll be you...



On The Mic






I Object to Women's Wrestling!!




Heh, well, allow me to completely rephrase that title. I wanted to use those words but not necessarily in that order. This soapbox-standing little newsletter rant is not about your ol' Boyo objecting to women's wrestling - heavens, no! - it's about rejecting the objectifying of women who wrestle. But that would have made for a turdy title, so you can see why I went with the snappy title, but opened with this turdy paragraph.


Imagine you bought Platinum tickets to Wrestlemania (what are we at now? 26?) 26. You worked hard all year for the £3000 needed for flights, hotel, car hire, meet-n-greet, Hall of Fame and 'Mania itself. You get to the arena, Madison Square Garden (is the next one at MSG? I have no idea), you take your seat in anticipation of 10+ matches of the highest quality. You are a bit like ol' Boyo insomuch that you don't know what the card is; you paid the money for the tickets without knowing exactly what the matches are, but hey, it's Wrestlemania 26, at Madison Square Garden, of course it's going to be good. Right?


Imagine then, the realisation that the main event is Zac Efron vs Johnathan Rhys Meyers. I'm not kidding! Efron vs Meyers. THAT Zac Efron (from High School Fantasy) vs THAT Johnathan Rhys Meyers (from The Tudors). In the main event. Of Wrestlemania. 26. At the Garden. Don't get too uppity, folks: they tell me Fit Finlay has spent time with these two - they should be good to go~!


This is what they are doing with women's wrestling pretty much every week. They are treating the women differently on-screen and booking terrible angles, and pushing entirely the wrong people almost always.


In my opinion, for a successful women's division, that keeps people interested, you need to book it very much like how you book the men.


Think about what makes you get excited about a top line match in the WWE: what do you want to see? What makes a huge main event? Well firstly it has to be about gold. Winning that World Heavyweight Title. Secondly, you have to believe that either man can win at any given moment. Both men must have a couple of moves in their armoury that, if they hit you with it, you're dead and you know it and the crowd knows it. They don't have to hate each other, but that helps. Most of all, they've both got to be really, really good at what they do. They've got to be THE best in the world at that moment.


Think further though; what do these guys look like? Well, in all honesty, they could look like anything. Take Triple H; a big, beefy, muscular man. Chris Benoit is smaller and aggressive; Eddy Guerrero is very athletic and technical; Rey Misterio Jr is smaller but very nimble; The Undertaker is tall and strong; The Big Show is the biggest of all; and John Cena will fight you and fight you until one of you doesn't get up any more. These guys are all acting, all putting on a show for the fans who also realise they are putting on a show (sorry if I've just ruined wrestling for you, by the way) but it works because these men are convincing enough to make the crowds suspend their disbelief.


How does a crowd suspend its disbelief when they are very aware it's all an act? Easy, of course: the wrestlers have got to be very good. But, again, look further than that, look harder. WHAT is it that makes that crowd absorb and accept what they are seeing? For me, ol' Boyo, it's simple. You believe that these men are very, very tough indeed. You believe, without question, that any of these men could hurt you in a fight. For me, it's that innate primal respect you have for a bigger man that plays a huge part in allowing yourself to accept that what you are seeing is a great fight.


A Madison Square Garden crowd is going to spaff all over Efron vs Meyers for many reasons, but for me, surely one of the biggest is the fact that, deep down, no matter how many hours they've spent in the gym and how much time Finlay has spent with them perfecting their armdrags...a lot of the crowd thinks "oh, I could take either of them in a fight". Even if they couldn't. They THINK they can. And as soon as a crowd thinks they can better one of your fighters then you no longer have a fight you can believe in.


Girls, and I'm aware there probably aren't too many on this site, answer me this: if it ever got to a situation where you are standing nose to nose with Candace Michelle, or Velvet Sky, or Maria, or hell, even Melina...do you know, just simply know, that you are in for a hiding? Both of you, nose-to-nose, neither backing down, both becoming angrier, fighting over the same bloke (Zac Efron ;) ), and you knew it was at the stage where no matter what you do now you are going to physically altercate - what goes through your mind? I bet there's a part of you that thinks you're going to batter this skank, right?


I'm not saying you would, in fact I very much doubt you could, she'd probably stave your head in, but that's not my point. My point is you wouldn't believe that you are standing nose-to-nose with a formidable fighter.


Now, up the ante a bit and you're standing nose-to-nose with a Beth Phoenix, a Nattie Neidhart, a Cheerleader Melissa, a Chyna, a Tori, a Jazz or a Shaniqua and I bet it all changes. I doubt many of you, many of anyone reading this, would take on any of these girls. Why? Because we (well, I would imagine many more of us, anyway) are more innately convinced that we ARE dealing with a supreme fighter, the stronger person, the person who could put you in hospital in the blink of an eye.


My point is nothing to do with whether anyone would want to get in to a scrap with Maria or Beth Phoenix; my point is about convincing people that women's wrestling is something they want to see.


Torrie Wilson vs Trish Stratus is a big match between two massive superstars, but it's the wrestling equivalent of Zac Efron vs Johnathan Rhys Meyers. No one is truly convinced that they're watching two extraordinarily dangerous fighters compete, even if they are both well-trained wrestlers.


In my opinion, you need to treat the women like you treat the men. Get the biggest, the strongest, hell, the most scary looking. Most of all, get the women who, when the crowd look at them and judge their validity, are being judged by how much of a gifted and dangerous fighter they are, rather than who is the best looking. In my opinion, this is ridiculing women's wrestling.


Wrestling's wrestling, and if the crowd are convinced that you can kick some serious butt at the drop of a hat, then why the hell are they going to invest belief in your match?




Final Thoughts



And there you have it, Issue #223 in the books. I hope you all enjoyed what was contained within and that some of you will be up for taking part in Devil's Advocate in the near future. Chriscare's column, I felt, was a great read with a nicely laid out format and Dusty Finish's input finally brought in an idea that I've been wanting in the newsletter since I became the editor.


I said in the previous edition that #222 was, in a way, a work-in-progress and that from this newsletter, things would come together, the newer columns would find their feet and the additions being planned would round out the complete package. Looking back over what you see above this editorial, I think we've acheived that aim.


Thanks to everyone for their input, thanks to the readers for their feedback and opinions and thanks to Kam for giving us the forum to espouse our views.


Newsletter Editor:









Thanks to everybody who contributed to this issue of the TWO Newsletter:


NEXT EDITION: Sunday 4th October 2009

Edited by DC
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Guest FreeSpirit
Absolutely loved ChrisCare's TNA segment. I haven't been able to watch iMPACT recently, and his review of the last few weeks was really informative. Big props to Boyo and Dusty Finish as well for debut segments also!
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Good Newsletter. :)


Screw Matt Denton.


Did I mention that the newsletter was good? Well it was.


And Screw Matt Denton.


don't worry atleast you weren't mentioned twice. :sad:

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what exactly is the point of the Blabbermouth section? It serves no purpose whatsoever, at least the other non-wrestling columns are entertaining.


I fully agree! There is no point to them at all, and I am amazed when anyone else finds them funny. It stuns me that DC hasnt asked me to stop doing them yet.

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what exactly is the point of the Blabbermouth section? It serves no purpose whatsoever.
That is the point of Blabbermouth; it serves no purpose because not everything should. No agenda, no editorial on serious subjects, no higher function, nothing but random ramblings. The column simply is.


I can appreciate it's not for everyone, but the same can be said for each of the segments in all fairness.

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It happens now and then. :lol


only when I stand on tiptoes.:)


That is the point of Blabbermouth; it serves no purpose because not everything should. No agenda, no editorial on serious subjects, no higher function, nothing but random ramblings. The column simply is.


I can appreciate it's not for everyone, but the same can be said for each of the segments in all fairness.


fair enough, can't argue when you put it like that!

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