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TWO: Big Brother


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Welcome everyone, to the first ever edition of TWO Big Brother. Tonight, 12 people will go into the Big Brother house, as they fight it out, not literally.... Or maybe literally, to win a mystery star prize. I, Chris2K will be your host for the proceedings, so first of all, let's meet the participants!


(Pabster speaks, in a very poor fake Geordie accent)


First...the girls!


From Portsmouth, England, she's the one with the stars by her name, and the girl who has ALL the guys in a flap. Her main achievements so far have been supporting Pompey, arguing about Pompey, and waking up every day. She is...BEKIE!


-Music = HIM - Heartache every moment


Bekie takes her suitcases in towards the house, she waves goodbye, blows a kiss to the camera, is frisked by a female security guard (Chris2K was denied the privilege), and heads inside the house




Next, from the Fish district of Grimsby, she's the Boy George fan, who was once married to the owner of the website you are on now! The only housemate who's hair is blacker than coal, it's...CHYNA!!!


-Music = Culture Club - Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?


Chy takes her suitcase to the top of the stairs, without much emotion. She looks straight into the camera, and sticks her tongue out, showing her piercing. She is then frisked, before waving and heading into the house. She meets Bekie at the bottom of the stairs, and they exchange small chat as they await the next participant



The next girl is a Man City fan, who has made a big impact, despite most people thinking she was male. Her passion for spanking may be tested inside the house, but we will see if her happiness shines through.... It’s...GOLDUSTER!!!


-Music = Jody Fleisch's (God Knows what it is :roll)


Golduster kisses her family goodbye, and heads up the steps. She makes a peace sign to the camera, and heads through the door. Bekie and Chy welcome her with a hug each, and they start talking about something.... Probably make-up or shopping.



Our next femme fatale is a Geordie who hasn't actually said anything about wrestling for at least 3 months. But we don't mind, as her numerous topics in General Chat keep us entertained. She's the girl who is trying to fix emag a date...it's...JOANNE!


-Music = Avril Lavinge - Sk8r Boi (by mistake)


Joanne heads into the house wearing an 'Anti-Avril' t-shirt, which gets some jeers from the 5-year-olds in the audience. Jo is greeted by her housemates, as a bottle of Coke has already been opened (it's my Big Brother, so NO ALCOHOL! :D).



Our penultimate lady is someone who isn't afraid to mix things up a little, and her reaction to two of her fellow housemates will be interesting.... She is someone who may struggle with the 'No Alcohol' rule if her New Year's Eve exploits are anything to go by, it's.... MISTY!!!


-Music = Christina Aguilera - Dirty


Misty enters the house to a certain amount of boos from the crowd, and she heads inside to an almost silent house. However, the mood is soon broken as she displays a bottle of vodka. Suddenly, Chris2K runs into the house, steals the vodka, pours it down the sink, and runs out again....



Our last girl is a seasoned-TWO veteran, who, despite her involvement in The Gang, is still loved by at least one person at TWO...somewhere. From the gangland streets of Birmingham, she's TWO's answer to Kelly Osbourne.... NICOLE!!!


-Music = Kelly Osbourne - Papa Don't Preach


Nicole, today sporting her normal brown hair, heads into the house, and, as the youngest girl, is welcomed into the house with open arms, especially by Chy. Misty, however, stares at Nic with an evil glare, and doesn't even say hello to her....



Now it's time for.... THE BOYS!


First, from the 'ooh-aar' West Country, Bristol to be exact, comes the TWO Champion who's funny comments and friendly ways have made him a fan favourite here. He enters the house without his girlfriend Heidi, but he holds her in his heart...as well as the bruises. It's.... ACID CHRIST!!!


-Music = The Beatles - Helter Skeltar


Acid literally sprints into the house, but is held up by the security guards. The camera shows some of his friends, Andy, KJ and Classy Q Driver are waving an 'ERE Rules' banner around, as Acid enters the houseful of ladies, and instantly mingles amongst them




From Walsall, West Midlands, it's the guy everybody loves to hate. The leader of our well-esteemed US Scene Forum, and a huge donator to the TWO cause, and the funniest sigs. With his trademark red hair, he's the punk of the house, it's...DRAVEN!!!


-Music = Korn - Generic Insulting Song #5660


Dra gets a good ovation from the fans, as he does the 'Chris Jericho' pose at the top of the steps inside the house, which everyone ignores. He then comes down, as Nic goes to welcome him, but then changes her mind.




Our next guy is a feisty one, and as a TWO Award winner, he is a popular guy, especially with the ladies! His flirting ways might force him into victory, as well as a few girls’ hearts. He's the Scot who's got the lot, and the resident D'Lo Brown fan.... RUSS!


-Music = Recognize - D'Lo Brown


Russ gets a load of screams from the girls in attendance, but then they see him, and it dies down. Russ makes a move on a female security guard, but gets a slap for his trouble. Once inside the house, Russ makes his way towards Chy, but after seeing her hand raise, he backs off....




The next gentleman is the leader of the Sports Forum, and the guy who invented the Prediction League, which everyone is now copying.... The only housemate who has been banned from a Football Ground, and the only one with a Disney character in their name.... SABBA SIMBA!!!


-Music = WELLLLLLL - The Big Show


Sab makes his way into the house as a group of Millwall fans hurl insults at everyone. Sab waves goodbye, and heads into the house, where everybody greets him. They are on to their second bottle of Coke already, but Dra is drinking water....




Our penultimate housemate is a man who will never back down from his belief: That WWE is crap. The leader of the TWO Lucha Forum, and the most anti-Vince McMahon member that the site has ever had, it's the Kenta Kobashi of the TWO World.... SINGHY!!!


-Music = Phil Collins - Against All Odds


Singhy climbs the steps to a chorus of boos, and mouths 'f**king marks' under his breath. As he enters, only Sab and Russ greet him, until eventually, everyone says hello. Bekie, Chy and Nic are now chatting on the sofa, and Acid is investigating the ferret cage. (Another rule of mine: No Chickens, just FERRETS :D)




And last, but by no means least, this is the recently crowned Forum Moderator, who, after winning 'Most Valuable Contributor', has gone from strength to strength. He is the TWO Intercontinental Champion, and, like his namesake, is one tough son of a gun.... THE CRIPPLER!!!


-Music = F**kin' In The Bushes - Oasis


Cripp heads up the stairs to a good ovation, shakes hands with his friends such as Deadman and Jerichoholic, before heading into the house. He greets everyone, as the twelve guys and girls disperse. Acid is joined at the ferret cage by DraVen and Golduster, whilst Sabba and Russ check out the bedrooms. Nicole, Bekie and Chy claim the bigger bedroom for the girls, and Singhy immediately starts arguing this. Crippler telling him he can have the bigger bed in the boys’ bedroom cools him down. Misty and Joanne are murmuring in the background about how unfair the 'No Alcohol' rule is, and the camera heads back to the studio




Well, there we are. 6 Boys and 6 girls give up their lives to enter the Big Brother house, but what is going to happen? What loyalties will be formed and broken? Where will the casualties lie? You can find out every day, as I present a highlights programme for your entertainment. Don't forget, soon you will be able to vote on who will be evicted from the TWO Big Brother house! But from me, Chris2K, the Big Brother housemates, and Pabster, it's goodbye for now!


Ending shot shows Bekie holding one of the ferrets and smelling it, whilst Acid makes sure she doesn't drop it. Nic and Joanne are bouncing on the beds in their room, whilst Sabba and Cripp start preparing dinner...






Well, Pab asked me to do it, and here it is. I'd love to know what everyone thought of the show.


Obviously, I couldn't pick everyone to go in, I just chose some people who I thought I know about a lot, and could create some funny stuff with. Please don't get angry that you aren't in.....

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Guest ......cjr......

Sounds like an awesome idea to me u guys, well done to chris and pab for coming up with it and working on it. Should be intresting.


Anyways the show if you could put it that way sounded good, the funny bit is the russ entrance


Russ gets a load of screams from the girls in attendance, but then they see him, and it dies down. Russ makes a move on a female security guard, but gets a slap for his trouble. Once inside the house, Russ makes his way towards Chy, but after seeing her hand raise, he backs off....


thats funny, should be good to see what happens on the next show, a BIG well done to u guys for getting another good thing going here at TWO. Cheers u guys *inserts thumbs up pic* ( Dunno how to do them)

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Guest Pabster

Chris accepted the offer as I wanted the TWO Big Brother franchise to branch out into different areas. :)


It is a great write up by Chris, I appear as a Pundit on the eviction shows in the Studio. :)

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Guest Jerichoholic
Are the shows totally made up? Or do the contestants go in a chatroom and communicate as if they were in the house? Im a little confused by it all, no wonder I wasn't picked!
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LOL,thats fantastic!,I hope i don"t get voted off first by all the United fans that live in Essex!:D...You"ve got a great imagination there chris,you will go far!..:)
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At last, I take a step closer to my dream of presenting a mid morning TV show on BBC2!


And of course, be on the lookout for "Russ' Big Mac Diet" on DVD and VHS, hitting the stores in 4th quarter of 2003.


Just a quick ECW reference to make- Mmmmmmm....Chickeeeeeeens.

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Bite me Bischoff!


What that has to do with anything, I dunno.


Anyhoo the winner will be Singhy after he kills everyone else in the house with KVE's foot.

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