Warning: Our Game of Madness articles will include content from the five currently released A Song of Ice and Fire books and seasons 1-5 of HBO's adaptation Game of Thrones. Some material from A Feast for Crows and A Dance With Dragons has not been covered in the show yet, but may be in season 6. If you aren't caught up with the books and/or show, read on with care.
The North Remembers
Our contest begins in the frigid North, a land ruled (mostly) by honor and duty. The men and women are fierce and weary, more concerned with the coming winter than the deceitful game of thrones. Lords and bastards, rangers and deserters, the strong and the fast. The whole spectrum is covered in the North.
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1. Eddard Stark vs 8. Ramsay Snow
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[/mks_col]And now it begins. As our rules remove Valyrian steel blades from the contest, Eddard is without his great sword Ice which will prove problematic. Luckily for the Lord of Winterfell, his first match comes against a careless and overly aggressive Ramsay Snow, the bastard of Bolton. The boy's own father Roose claims he has a ferocity fit for a warrior but that he is undisciplined. He fights like a mad butcher who sees his foes as no more than slabs of meat. If he takes you unprepared, you could be dead before you know it but all Ned must do is withstand his first furious assault and he’s in the clear. Despite his noble upbringing, Ramsay was trained at arms by the original Reek who was not known to be skilled with a sword. Ramsay is more a player than a fighter.
Then again, HBO’s adaptation has made Ramsay quite the gifted fighter. We saw him defeat a crew of Ironborn shirtless and he basically destroyed Stannis Baratheon’s forces with just twenty good men. While impressive, we can chalk these moments up to made-for-TV drama. Ned going toe to toe with the Kingslayer Jaime Lannister is more believable than Ramsay's feats and even that's a stretch. Ramsay would shake your hand with a smile while the dagger in his free hand comes for your throat but he can’t best a disciplined and battle tested warrior in a one vs one fight when his opponent knows he's coming.
Winner: The Ned
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4. Qhorin Halfhand vs 5. Mance Rayder
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[/mks_col]Two old friends and experienced warriors face off in our second bout. Qhorin’s technical prowess is unmatched in the North. What he lacks in strength, he more than makes up for in speed and technique. He is known as the Halfhand because he once saved his own life by catching a wildling axe with his strong hand. While that would have ended most men’s careers as fighters, Qhorin simply trained himself to fight with his offhand and became just as skilled as he was before, if not moreso. His inability to properly use a shield will put him at a disadvantage defensively but he's experienced and battle tested enough to at least break even with his offense.
The Halfhand's opponent, Mance Rayder, is regarded by Qhorin as one of the best, and worst, rangers the Night’s Watch has ever had. When he turned his cloak in the name of freedom, he became a King to the Free Folk by besting their leaders in combat. He defeated Tormund and the Magnar of Thenn in addition to slaying three others. When he faces off against Jon Snow in a sparring match, he wins with ease. Mance would put up a fair fight against Qhorin, he'd put up a fair fight against many fighters in our contest based on his experience alone, but he's up against one of the few equally experienced. Unforuntately for the King Beyond the Wall, the difference in skill settles the fight.
Winner: Qhorin Halfhand
3. Jon Umber vs 6. Tormund Giantsbane
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[/mks_col]If our contest was to determine the manliest man in all of Westeros, this would be our championship match. Tormund lives amongst the fearsome Wildlings and has lived his entire life fighting savages, the Greatjon is noted as one of the strongest living men by Jaime Lannister when the Kingslayer reflects on who could best him in battle. Tormund claims to have banged a bear, the Greatjon laughs when getting his fingers bit off by a direwolf. Tormund is declared leader of Mance’s enormous wilding host when the King is captured, it took eight men to take down the drunk Greatjon at the Red Wedding.
When two men like this clash, the whole planet trembles. There is, however, one big difference between these living legends; legitimacy. It only takes one glance to see the worth of Jon Umber. The man is nearly seven feet tall, all muscle, and wields a great sword larger than Eddard Stark’s Ice. The stories told of his opponent are mostly tall tales to be taken with a grain of salt. While Tormund talks a big game, his aim is to fight fiercely and intimidate his foes. Unfortunately for the man of many names, the Greatjon bests him in both those areas.
Winner: Jon Umber
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2. Robb Stark vs 7. Jon Snow
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[/mks_col]At the start of the series, these two brothers could fight 100 times and split the series 50-50. Jon claims he is the better swordsman of the two but admits his brother is the better lance. They were both raised and trained together as highborns so any edge Jon had at the time was surely slim. Without his Valyrian steel sword Longclaw, the fight seems to be even more of a toss up. If you look a little closer, however, one brother rises above the other as far as our tourney is concerned.
Both brothers are thrusted into leadership positions at very young ages. Jon is able to grow as a fighter before becoming the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch due to constant training at the wall and his time beyond with the Wildlings. Robb grows as well, but as a commander rather than a fighter, in the footsteps of his father Ned. By the time he’s declared King of the North, he’s neck deep in war. Though a damn good commander, his direwolf Grey Wind deserves just as much credit. The animal's presence paints an intimidating picture of the King on the battlefield and it's very possible that Robb was able to warg into his companion to scout the enemies and the battlefield ahead of time, explaining why he was able to best Tywin Lannister at almost every turn.
We don't get to see Robb as a fighter as much as we do with Jon. It's safe to say the Young Wolf is heavily protected in battle and he does always have Grey Wind by his side which leaves it open to debate just how much Robb was tested as a fighter in the War of the Five Kings. While he falls at the Red Wedding, Jon Snow lives on a while longer, constantly improving. Even without Longclaw, Jon eventually separates himself and the tragic tale of his half brother Robb becomes even more tragic. The highborn King loses to the bastard brother, Lord Snow.
Winner: Jon Snow
The Lion's Den
Next, we travel West to the Lannister's home turf, the land of the Rock. The pool of fighters here reaches both ends of the honor scale. On one end, we have attempted child murderers, actual child murderers, and a sister banger who has fathered three inbreds. On the other end, we have family, duty, honor, and gallant knights in shining armor. In the middle of this whole mess lies a crazed man with a flaming sword and his dead again alive again best friend. Should be a fun time.
1. Jaime Lannister vs 8. Lyle Crakehall
Lyle Crakehall, the Strongboar, is built like a knight and well regarded by his first round opponent, Jaime Lannister, who lists him as one of the strongest living men who may be able to best him in combat. Lyle’s intelligence is far less flattering than his strength, however. The man plays the role of knight in shining armor though his intentions may be more focused on what he'd do to the women he saves rather than an actual chivalrous thirst for battle and glory.
The Kingslayer Jaime Lannister is not only well regarded as a warrior in the world of ice and fire, but even George RR Martin himself claims he is one of the best in the history of the seven kingdoms. That kind of endorsement sends you down a rabbit hole of wonder trying to decide who could possibly beat Jaime and how but whatever conclusion you arrive at, it most certainly isn’t Lyle Crakehall. He may be formidable on the battlefield but under the 1 vs 1 ideal conditions of our tournament, this contest quickly becomes a no contest.
Winner: Jaime Lannister
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4. Thoros of Myr vs 5. Beric Dondarrion
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[/mks_col]Thoros is a madman. In a sad twist of fate, the red priest must face his best friend Beric Dondarrion in his opening match. Thoros is a well regarded tourney fighter and is most notably known for his efforts in the Greyjoy Rebellion where he was first through the walls of Pyke in the uprising’s penultimate battle. The man has won countless tourneys and melees, including both events at the celebration of Eddard Stark's appointment as Hand of the King.
Beric Dondarrion is a badass. A loyal follower of Robert Baratheon and Ned Stark, Beric introduces us to resurrection, and the steep price that comes with it, and he gives his life to defending Robert’s realm; all the common men, women, and children who get caught up in the deadly Game of Thrones. Leader of the Brotherhood Without Banners, the Lightning Lord has a fierce reputation and becomes a bit of a living legend. Only problem is Beric loses. A lot. He’s died seven times, including twice to the Mountain that Rides and once to his brother Sandor the Hound in a trial by combat. While losing to the Clegane brothers is to be expected of most men, he's also been taken out by some unimpressive competition. He comes to King’s Landing with plans of winning the Hand’s tourney and he’s unseated by none other than Thoros of Myr. History repeats itself.
Winner: Thoros of Myr
3. Sandor Clegane vs 6. Brynden Tully
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[/mks_col]Sandor Clegane, the Hound, only has two weaknesses that could really be exploited. His fear of fire and his love of alcohol. His best fight that we get to witness in the series has him overcome both of these to defeat Beric Dondarrion in a trial by combat. Later, in the show only, the Hound faces off in one of the most savage fights against Brienne. While he fights well and dirty enough, and manages to survive the fight, the wounds he takes presumably lead to his death. It’s worth noting that Sandor’s victory against Beric is potentially tainted, if Beric didn’t weaken his sword with fire perhaps the outcome would have been different.
The Hound’s first round opponent is Brynden Tully, one of the most honorable men in the series. No one takes their family’s words more seriously than the Blackfish, family, duty, honor. He serves his sister Lysa Arryn admirably in the Vale and he escorts his other sister Catelyn North to her son who the man then fought for in the War of the Five Kings. Before the series began, Brynden earned his stripes in the War of the Ninepenny Kings, fighting well besides the likes of Barristan Selmy, Tywin Lannister, and Aerys II Targaryen, the future Mad King.
There may be more in store for both of these characters in the series. The Hound could very well be the Gravedigger on the Quiet Isle, he could very well finally get his shot at his brother Gregor. The Blackfish, in the books, is an outlaw having escaped the siege of Riverrun and his TV show counterpart escaped the Red Wedding by taking the most well timed piss in the history of everything. Regardless of what the future holds for both these fighters, going on what we know so far, the Blackfish could surely give the Hound a hell of a fight. Ultimately, however, the Hound’s willingness to fight without honor in a close match gives him the edge.
Winner: Sandor Clegane
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2. Gregor Clegane vs 7. Arys Oakheart
Gregor Clegane, the Mountain that Rides, is nearly 8 feet tall, weighing in at over 400 pounds. He sports arms the size of tree trunks and swings a massive great sword with one handed ease. He dons armor that no normal man could even move in, let alone fight in. So who is lucky contestant number one to face this monstrosity?
See exhibit A, Ser Arys Oakheart, the troubled member of the Kingsguard tasked with protecting Myrcella Baratheon in Dorne. Arys is a rose in a pile of thorns sworn to protect King Joffrey though even he breaks his vows through an affair with the Dornish beauty Arianne Martell. The man is haunted by guilt and that guilt, combined with his love for Arianne, lead him to his early demise. Though we see him handle two men with ease in his final moments, he’s handled quite easily in return by Areo Hotah. Arys Oakheart is just one of many tragic characters in the world of ice and fire, he’s also now one of the many to fall before the Mountain.
Winner: Gregor Clegane
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Let us know in the comments below who you think would win the Northern and Western matches we covered today and be sure to check back tomorrow for more of our first round in the Game of Madness where fighters from the Islands and East regions will square off.
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