Naitch

You should do a tournament to determine what the next tournament should be... Assuming we're talking of all the times for Best Japanese wrestler, the answer is Toshiaki Kawada. Tournament over. That was easy.

They could bring in Owen. Beat that, WWE. But then, knowing Vince, he'd probably go all out and bring in fu*king Andre the Giant.

He must really need the money. But, you know it's funny, I know Bret returning is a big deal yadda yadda yadda, face-off with Vince and/or Michaels blah blah blah, first live Raw appearance in 12 years etc etc etc...but...I'd be way more excited if this thread were about The Rock because, ultimately, in the end, whatever conceivable, fathomable, possible way I conceivably, fathomably and possibly look at it, The Rock > Bret Hart. Rock could go out there on Monday Night Raw in front of a live audience, raise an eyebrow and that alone would automatically be better than anything I can see them possibly do with Bret Hart in 2009. I mean, what's he gonna do, shuffle out there, cut a rambling promo about getting screwed in Montreal (and God knows, or to used an even greater power; Flair knows, we need more angles based around a screwjob from 12 years ago) and then punch Vince or some shit? Is he really going to wrestle? I'd doubt it but if he is, he's 52 years of age, retired due to injuries, hasn't wrestled in 10 years, a period during which he suffered a stroke and I'm supposed to be excited by that like it was the build towards Austin vs. Bret at Survivor Series '96? I'm not feeling it, really. Maybe not being a particularly big fan of Bret and not giving a flying fart about fu*king Survivor Series 1997 in 2009 might, you know, have something to do with it but I'm not particularly pissing my pants with excitement. Because he isn't The Rock. BRET FINALLY GOT HIS REVENGE! SHIT YEAH! And then you'll probably have some guys on the interweb go 'YEAH, STICK IT TO HIM, BRET. THAT'S FOR MONTREAL, YOU SON OF A BITCH!' even though Bret signed a fu*king contract with Vince McMahon, is taking the almighty McMahon dollar working for a promotion owned by Vince McMahon to cut promos OKed by Vince McMahon in an angle for Vince McMahon culminating in a Wrestlemania appearance. Kinda, in completely, at best, vaguely related fashion, how people were sucking Heyman's mickey when he did that 'shoot' promo on Vince pre-Survivor Series 2001. Well, yeah, a lot of what he was saying was probably true but he worked for Vince McMahon and he said it on a Vince show in a Vince ring during an angle overseen by Vince building towards a PPV designed to make money for Vince's promotion which kinda negates the 'sock it to 'em-ness' of the whole thing. Is it intriguing Bret coming back? Obviously it is. A lot of it will probably be some real car crash shit though and it'll be interesting (I say 'interesting...') to see how Michaels and Triple H try to fu*k with the program so to speak but (and, hey, not that he has anything to do with this whole melarkey but still), an appearance by a super dynamic, uber entertaining, bonafide star like The F'n Rock on the 4th January Raw, building towards an eventual match at Wrestlemania or old man Hart and Vince more than likely doing tired, repetitive worked shoot shit about bloody Montreal? Rock. Every. Single. Time. Man, The Rock could hunch down in the middle of the ring like a savage, take a particularly troublesome shit while reading the Financial Times out loud, giving you interspersed running commentary on his bowel movements and it'd be better than anything TNA and Hulk Hogan could possibly offer. The point is...well, no point other than The Rock RULES. AH, DAMMIT, JUST ANNOUNCE WHEN THE ROCK IS SHOWING UP, YOU BASTARDS! I HEAR HE'S GOT ANOTHER AVERAGE KID'S FILM TO PROMOTE! THE ROCK! ... ROCK!

Flair is roughly 800 years old and he could still sell a PPV better than probably anyone on the TNA roster. Not that TNA seem particularly interested in selling PPVs but, you know, just sayin' is all. http://i683.photobucket.com/albums/vv195/DCFC_2009/IMG_2855.jpg http://i683.photobucket.com/albums/vv195/DCFC_2009/4j8i11.jpg [YOUTUBE]<object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value=" name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src=" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object>[/YOUTUBE] Sad to see a guy like Bobby Heenan who was such a fast talking, mile-a-minute, super over-the-top kinda guy being like that. The mind and the wit is obviously still there but still...you know. More specifically, sad with both men because it's cancer. Fu*king cancer.

Yeah, The Dastardly Customers were definately JBL and Finlay. I know this because I am the number one with a bullet fan of Booker T during that whole period. Shit, King Booker winning the belt from Rey Mysterio is one of the very few World Title changes I've given a shit about in the last 5 years. I thought Booker T looked good just before he left WWE when he was working with Lawler and calling out Triple H but TNA absolutely kills the spirit of most of its wrestlers and Booker essentially treated 90% of his time there as one giant piss take because it was clear he wasn't having the time of his life there. Dustin Rhodes went there, and on every TV taping, looked like a guy who just found a pube in his cornflakes but now, he's one of my favourite people in WWE. Maybe same might happen with Booker for whatever (probably short) time he has left. I could dig him going back there anyway. Like the idea of putting him on ECW too in a Goldust/Regal kinda role. Umaga has unfinished business with Mysterio and Taker, business that I'd buy shares in. Taker needs heel challengers, they could do worse than feeding him Umaga for a couple months.

I always totally liked that they had literally nothing to say about him apart from essentially 'Well, um...he can jump really high and run to the ring really, really fast, folks! SHIT YEAH! Ah, we got nothing.' Was always one of their 'he's got, bah Gawd, unlimited potential, folks' guys for years too, like Test was. Well, yeah, but when exactly do we start expecting them to start showing and living up to potential? Test can't now though. Obviously.

Eddie Guerrero dying. Check and mate. And I don't think there was ever a point in Billy Gunn's career when he was ever as good as JBL in the ring. Shit, off the top of my head I could probably name about 15 JBL matches better than Billy Gunn's best match. Coupled with him being one of the best talkers of the last 5 years, he was much more viable for a push than Gunn who should have been pushed into a tank full of sharks. Sharks with AIDs. Who had guns for fins. It'd give him a reason to do his shitty flopping fish selling at least. I'm not saying JBL was a spectacular main eventer but a much better option than Billy Gunn. Also, for someone like myself who thought Sean O'Haire was the drizzling shits and was literally just a Swanton and nothing more and who had a decent character in taped, rehearsed vignettes but looked like he was shitting himself live and couldn't translate said character beyond said taped, rehearsed vignettes, could I hear why people thought he was the cat's pyjamas? Because I never ever ever saw it. Explain it...slowly. And then tell me what you're wearing.

Not sure if anyone else will give a flying rat's anus but I'm posting it anyway. Taken from a book about St. Louis wrestling I'm reading ('Wrestling at the Chase' by Larry Matysik, available from play.com) is the following scan containing a handwritten list by Sam Muchnick from 1978 of television taping payoffs to wrestlers. http://i683.photobucket.com/albums/vv195/DCFC_2009/12-10-2009184247-1.jpg Book also explains how Muchnick never hid the gate receipts from wrestlers so with their payoff they'd get a box office statement and a tax breakdown so they always knew how much exactly they were entitled to whereas most other promoters were dirty rotten scoundrels who hid that from the wrestlers. Another excerpt from the book: Meh, I'm interested in little stuff like this from another era. Screw you all.

It is kind of a slightly strange direction and notion to take anyway. I mean, kids like swear words, blood, violence and general edgy stuff (apart from Edge because he sucks), I know I did anyway and aside from the odd ritual killing I turned out okay. Shit, Stonecold Steve Austin, remember him? Youngsters...kinda...liked...him. You know, just a tad.

http://i683.photobucket.com/albums/vv195/DCFC_2009/taker.jpg And it's crazy the overreaction on the internet because CM Punk lost clean to The Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell match. He'll probably be in the title match at the next PPV and will probably be the Champion again at some point in the future. He's been getting 'buried' since day one if you believed everything you read on the internet (HE LOST A MATCH! TO HARDCORE HOLLY! BUT WE HATE HARDCORE HOLLY! HOW DARE THEY!). Buried and he's still been the World Champion 3 times and is still getting a chunk of change for being in title matches on PPV. If that's a burial, shit, hire me, I'll get buried every single night of the week.

Stepping into the abyss of turgidity (it's a word) here for a second but if you want to get, you know, factual and all that jazz, your memory serves you wrong seeing as Billy Graham lost the belt three years before Flair won the NWA Title for the first time. Flair did face Backlund in a Champion vs. Champion match in July '82 but if you want to get, you know, really technical, it wasn't, as you said, Flair riding into town and going to the WWF and facing their Champion because they wrestled in a Georgia territory in the Omni in Atlanta under the Georgia Championship Wrestling banner in a match co-promoted with Vince McMahon. Besides, Backlund as Champion probably wrestled more Champion vs. Champion matches against other Champions than Flair did as NWA Champion. Maybe that makes him the greatest Champion of all time, I dunno... But if I want to get really, really technical, Backlund wasn't even, strictly speaking, a 'World' Champion being that the WWF was still under the NWA banner at the time and Flair was the World Champion so it wasn't even, strictly speaking, a World Champion vs. World Champion match (Backlund was listed as the Heavyweight Champion for the match, Flair as the 'World' Heavyweight Champion. It wasn't until the WWF withdrew completely and totally from the NWA in 1983 that their belt was recognised as a 'World' Title again) and, ah, I don't even know what the hell I'm arguing about anymore and I'm getting the hell out of here before I'm enveloped further in a cloud of this guy's whole crazy trolling bidness. And breathe...

Why do wrestlers get disqualified for hitting someone with a FOREIGN OBJECT inside the ring but don't whenever they deliberately throw their opponent into the ring post and/or steel steps? Why do wrestlers get disqualified for putting someone through a table inside the ring but don't when they put someone through the announce table? Why am I putting any thought into the trivialities of professional wrestling? If wrestling is real how does a live PPV always end within the allocated three hours? Does remind me of the Schvovneneneane/Jesse Ventura thing where Schovonmvmomene was all 'if it happens outside the ring it doesn't count, Jesse' or some such nonsense and Ventura immediately pounced on him like a tiger on a baby deer and went on a tirade about how he was a fu*king idiot (in those exact words. 'Fu*king idiot', he said that) and if that was the case I guess it's okay for someone to have a gun and shoot his opponent as long as it's on the outside. And that was the time Jesse Ventura nearly made Tony Schiavone cry. The end.

WCW used to misspell Flair's name all the time. It ain't no thing but a chicken wing. He's actually called Rumaga now? Genius. Last time I saw Val Venis though he looked like he'd eaten Umaga. Maybe Rumaga is Umaga's replacement.

Yep, quite silly. Avoid consistently great television over an 8 or so year, 6 series, 86 EPISODE period (which is a major achievement in itself because not once in its long history did one think 'man, this show is going down the shitter') because the last 5 minutes of said 86 episodes of completely blinding TV, which along with 'Deadwood' and 'The Wire' IS the greatest television show in history, might (with extreme emphasis on 'might' because I personally loved the ending and I don't adhere to this insane viewpoint that 'The Sopranos' was a waste of time because the ending didn't agree with some people) frustrate you. And, yeah, if you only watch three television shows before you do shuffle off this mortal coil, ensure that they are 'Deadwood', 'The Sopranos' and 'The Wire' because on a day-to-day basis, I can never decide which of the three is the best but I can definately decide that they're equally the three greatest shows I've ever seen. The only real downside of 'Deadwood', I suppose, is that it never got a definitive 4th series/ending but as a standalone three series piece of work, it is astoundingly good. The other two's downsides are so miniscule that they're not even worth mentioning because they're both as close to perfection as it gets, really. Of course the show some of us would really like to watch before we die I suppose is a factual news show where some beardy scientist types reveal they've discovered the secret to eternal life.

Not that I particularly care but hasn't IWA-MS died more times than The Undertaker? It seemed to go under every year. Ditto. Always liked Rhodes anyway apart from his shitty TNA run where he looked like he'd have rather been in San Quentin sharing a cell with a grizzly bear but Goldust is definately the cat's pyjamas again. Goldust and Regal to ECW turned out to be a really good move. Speaking of Sir William, he needs to win the title yesterday because Christian, although he's good enough in ring, is kinda bland and one dimensional out of it, whereas Regal...isn't. Shit, man managed to do in one segment on a wrestling show what couldn't be done in decades of global political affairs by uniting the USA, England and Russia as one single superpower. A power that then ganged up to beat up a Canadian.

Well, ok then. See all of that would suggest I was taking you, this thread and whatever argument you were having seriously.

What exactly does a tosser look like anyway? And who even decides what a tosser looks like? What gives people the right to decide? Is there a meeting I haven't been privy to where a group of wise elder statesmen decide what a tosser looks like and then the general public is divided into tosser and non-tosser groups and segregated away in tosser ghettos and non-tosser ghettos with tosser churches and schools and non-tosser churches and schools? But, I mean, I'd really like to know if I look like a tosser or not because it'd give me some form of closure at least. The obvious non-tosser looking people could size me up and decide if I look like a tosser or not and either way at least it's some form of certainty in these divided, uncertain tosser looking/non-tosser looking times. Hell, maybe one day we can all, as one, look like tossers. Or look like non-tossers. Whatever floats your boat, really. Viva la tosser. Or viva la non-tosser. I'm sitting on the fence with that one. But maybe sitting on the fence would make me look like a tosser...or a non-tosser. Maybe this whole post made me look like a tosser. DAMMIT, WHO DECIDES?! But, yeah, how about them clothes? I wear them because society and its rules dictates I have to.

Well, they do say the best wrestling characters are the ones just playing themselves on TV with the volume turned up. Except, of course, in saying that, that character was shit and Angle's even more loop-la-loop off screen.

One could suggest that it's pretty sad indictment of the Russo-ised trying-to-work-the-sheets-and-the-internet age we live in that when something should happen in the personal life of a professional wrestler (and, let's face it, an ever so slightly unhinged one at that) we immediately, at times, cry work. I mean, did they cry work back when Ken Patera threw a rock through a McDonald's window? Sometimes shit just happens to wrestlers because a lot of them are fu*ked up individuals and there ain't no work about it.

Assuming they strip Angle of the title (which they won't but which they should), they should just have Hernandez say he's cashing in the Money in the Bank ripoff thing, have him win the belt and then have him defend it against Joe next PPV or some shit. F*ck it, at least it'd be interesting. More interesting than boring ass Kurt Angle winning again after Morgan turns heel and helps him win 3 days after he turned babyface, in a turn Ray Charles saw coming and Ray Charles is blind. And also dead. Card isn't any good anyways. Beer Money/Brits should be a good enough match even though up until last week I was seriously convinced Beer Money were challenging Steiner/Booker and Team 3D were challenging Invasion. They pull some Billy Gunn/Road Dogg Wrestlemania 15 switcheroo or what and I just either didn't pay attention or didn't give a shit enough to? Joe/Homicide had a TV match few weeks back which was like a Diet Coke/Stars in the Their Eyes/watered down/kinda shitty version of their ROH matches. Hopefully that's better at least but I wouldn't count on it with Joe being Joe these days. Wasn't interested in the main event at all before, I'd be slightly more interested if they had Hernandez in there. Rest of the card can lick my scrotum.

Wait, you can get arrested for stalking now?! Uh-oh. Kurt Angle in batshit insane shocker. In other breaking wrestling related news, Shawn Michaels is slightly camp and Abyss sucks a dick. What a perfect guy to be the top guy and face of your wrestling promotion. I particular liked this line where the cop, perhaps inadvertently, made him sound like a blathering, mumbling idiot. Somewhere in a trailer park or a ranch or a rodeo or a roadkill diner or wherever the hell he hangs out, Jeff Jarrett is quietly smirking to himself and just switched off his phone just to fu*k with Dixie Carter a little.

'It's The Boss! And, Man, is he Big!' Yeah, like Meltzer knows shit. I'll wait until she's legal and then stick it to Meltzer (and, indeed, Velvet) by bagging her, you'll all see. http://i683.photobucket.com/albums/vv195/DCFC_2009/Pat20Kenny.jpg F*ck TNA. And if TNA is going the Hollywood writer route they should totally go all out and bring in David Lynch. At the very least, at least Impact would be weirdly memorable and memorably weird instead of just being, you know, shit.

Jenna. Morasca. Could. Not. Slap. Jackie Gayda can slap. Toddlers can slap. Monkeys can slap. But Jenna Morasca could not slap.

Tracy Brooks? No amount of airbrushing in the world...

Sulphuric acid is a lot easier on the eyes than Chyna.