Joke Of The Week/Month/Year

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[Guest Da Showstoppa]

Teacher to class. "Okay Johnny, can you tell me what your Daddy does at weekends?"

 

Johnny. "Um okay .. My dad has sex with men for cash and lets them put things in his mouth and his bottom and he puts things in their mouths as well"

 

Teacher after class is pretty shocked and takes Johnny aside.

 

"Johnny, does your daddy really do all that." Johnny looks at the floor and whispers in her ear "Not really miss, he goes to watch Chelsea - but I was too embarrassed to say!"

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How to get a man to wash his hands....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[Guest Popsi]

Dave is a new zookeeper starts work at Bristol zoo On his first morning the manager says to him I've got three nice easy

jobs for you to get yourself familiarised with the area. The first one is to go and clean out the fishpond near the park entrance.

So off Dave toddles to clean out the fishpond, half way through the biggest fish in the pond jumps out and bites Dave on the arm. Dave immediately hits it with the shovel and kills it outright. Dave is now in a state of panic, as he doesn't want to get in trouble for killing the zoo's prize fish on his first day at work. So Dave decides he will throw the fish in the lion'senclosure as lions will eat anything. And sure enough the lions eat the fish hiding Dave's mistake.

 

On reporting back to the boss Dave is told that his next task is to muck out the chimp enclosure over by the burger store. On entering the enclosure the chimps are startled by the stranger and go wild attacking Dave with coconuts and bananas from all angles. Dave in self-defence lashes out wildly with the shovel and hits two of the chimps square on the head

killing them instantly. Again Dave starts to panic, as he doesn't want to get in trouble. Dave remembers his earlier solution to the problem and promptly throws the two dead chimps in the lion's enclosure and sure enough within minutes his crime is again hidden by the lions greed for fresh meat.

 

After finishing the job Dave reports back and is given his final task for the day. Dave is given the job of cleaning out the bee enclosure. On entering the bee enclosure all is going well but then Dave drops his metal bucket and the noise set off the bees that proceed to sting him all over. Dave thrashes wildly with his shovel until the stinging stops and finds

he has completely splattered all of the bees and the beehive. This time Dave doesn't panic so much as he knows the lions are greedy and will eat anything. So he scrapes up the bee mulch with his shovel, places it in his bucket, and pours it into the lion's enclosure. Sure enough the lions ate up all the evidence once again.

 

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo and after greeting all the lions with the usual roar and spraying sent around the enclosure he asks one of the other lions "what's the food like here?" To which the other lion replies, "well it used to be crap but since the new keeper arrived its picked up today we've had fish chimps and mushy bees"

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[Guest Sparrow]

How did you get a picture of King Renz keyboard!?

[Guest Reno]

Ray, you pervert! Have you been spying on me? :lol

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