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Guest Wolverine

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Guest Wolverine

The greatest commentator in SmackDown history is leaving the announcers booth, and heading to Raw to compete as a full-time wrestler. I think we should commemorate our wrestling god's tenure alongside Michael Cole by: (a) praying that he'll lariat DX's heads off when he goes to Raw, and (b) posting our favourite quotes from his time on commentary. What were his best BURNS on Miz and Cole? How did he best describe MVP's awesomeness? Post them all here.


I'll start us off with some of his signature quotes:


"They're fun to watch, Michael!"


"He smells like smoke 'cause he's been through fire."


"Six billion people on the planet and he's the strongest."


"Jimmy Wang Yang is NOT a redneck!"


"C'mon Michael, YEEHAW!"


"When the lights are on bright ..."


"The name Guerrero means warrior."


"Enjoy them while they're here, because they won't be here long."


"They'll be crying on the Internet."


"I'm not your partner, Cole!"


"They're a car crash waiting to happen."


"He's not a troll, he's a leprechaun, there's a whole family of them living under the ring!"


"He has parents - their names are Mr. and Mrs. Bastard and they live under the ring."


"Helms is SmackDown's best kept secret."


"Longest reign in SmackDown history."


"And now he makes a living saying one word."




"It's great to be me."


"He's trying to protect his leprechaun!"


"The punches that knock you out are the ones you don't see coming."


"It's the next Mrs. Layfield!"


"The hottest women on television!"




"Rey Mysterio has a lot of machismo."


"Finlay has always wanted to be a world champion."


"He grew up fighting in bars in a warzone in Belfast, where fighting was the only way to survive."




"The fat lady is about to sing!"


"Why don't you go wear a Matt Hardy T-shirt?"


"Smashmouth wrestling, I love it!"


"Dave Taylor's grandfather wrestled at the 1932 Olympics."


"He's half man, half amazing, half tag team champion, the only man with three halves!"


"Oh, now you're Nostradamus?"


"Here on SmackDown, the A-Show."


"He could do something truly great - he could rid professional wrestling of the Miz."


"Look at this reality-TV star punk in his Red Rooster starter kit."


"He's wearing a dress in the wrestling ring! That should be a felony!"


"There's no such thing as a brave Frenchman, it's an oxymoron."



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Cole: 'Cherry's got rollerskates.'


JBL: ' I tell ya what, if she just had a skateboard, half the brain and no talent, she could be Head of Talent Relations.'




Hi, I'm former WCW Champion, The Stinger and THAT was a mother****in' zinger.


I also liked his random references to everyone from Chono and Giant Baba to the Simpson Brothers as well his less than subtle expression of hatred towards Terry Taylor, Lex Luger and DDP.


Man, he was the best colour commentator since Ventura. I hope they don't go the lazy route and just slot Taz back in there.

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to Rey on Smackdown: “Is it because the Guerrero family has deemed you to be nothing but a piece of crap the reason that you aren’t yourself?”


(On Kennedy): I love what he does there! First he says it, then he waits, and you think he’s going to do it, and he doesn’t do it! And again you think he’s going to do it, and he doesn’t do it! Then you think “maybe he’s not gonna do it” and he does it!


"Rey Mysterio is like herpes, he just keeps coming back."


"As much as I drink I am glad to even have a liver! I got a liver like Jake Roberts, and I never had high enzymes."


"He's French, he's Canadian; I double-hate this man. (in reference to Sylvan)"


"The Miz makes Gerry Brisco roll around in his grave.. and Gerry Brisco is not even dead."


And one when JBL was WWE Champion:

(To Eddie Guerrero, Booker T and the Undertaker) "For God's sake, do I have to say this in Spanish, Hip Hop or Monster? None of you are getting my title!"


Cole(in reference to Krystal): You have to feel for the girl

JBL: I'd like to feel the girl


during the Miz/Boogeyman match

"I don't like anyone in the ring, not even the ref"

"I wish I had a hand grenade, I'd throw it in the ring and blow them all to freak Heaven"


BL: How do you get a name like Boogeyman?

MC: How do you get a name like Justin Hawk?

JBL: *Dead silence* ... it was a rib


Cole: Were you naughty or nice this year?

JBL: None of your damn business, I don't need gifts I'm rich.


JBL: The King has Queen Sharmell, the only thing Matt Hardy knows about women is getting girlfriends that Edge picks up



more from Around the Ring


"I love a LumberJill Match... it reminds me of my hotel room"


"People get upset about Melina being easy.....I think it's a great trait for a hot chick"



and the best....


Cole: "How many hours will JBL be sober in Detroit this weekend?"


JBL: "You're kidding? If Thursday goes well I ain't gonna be sober at all. It all depends on what happens down in Texas Thursday. If I get a deal I'm done. And I mean done. I could actually be dead. I could be Anna Nicole Smith. You could see my big fat ass with my big fat...hanging on the lobby floor ...naked... drunk... dead. That could be me. So does that answer your question?"



Cole: "You have to admit, the Miz has had an impressive showing the last several months...."

JBL: "I don't have to admit anything....I'm JBL"

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I think what I'm going to miss most about JBL is him saying every single MVP nickname/catchphrase he can think of during his entrance.


"PRIME TIME! Half man, half amazing, half Tag Team Champion, the only man that can be three halves. He's like Fedex, the man delivers"

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Guest Kanenite
It sucks, he was awesome as a commentator, just total gold. I liked him as a Wrestler but it will never outshine his commentating skills. Good times in this thread, good times :(
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Guest Da Showstoppa
I have listened to JBL so much that I now scream BALL GAME when I have finished something, be it an exam, my dinner, or a post here on TWO.


I shouted it when Manchester United scored against Liverpool!

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My favourite line was when Cole was writing down the main event for later on in the night and JBL, without missing a beat, cut him off with "you had to write it down because you're an moron". Cole's laughter was priceless.


EDIT: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yM-UG1gF5XI


I'm gonna miss his commentary. It's not even debatable that JBL is the best colour commentator in pro wrestling and was about a year away from taking the crown of Ventura as best ever. SmackDown will be a poorer place without him :(

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Guest Jimmy Redman

Anyone reading this thread needs to watch the infamous Vito v Sylvan match, its absolutely hilarious.


"Miiiichael, here's your boyyyyfriend!"

"The next Mr Cole"

"I just got back from Iraq, I wish I had some kind of explosives, I'd blow the ring up, blow them to freak heaven, and the wrestling world would be seriously better!"

"Last week you were rolling around the floor together, kissing each other!...What if your parents saw that?"

"By osmosis I have become more feminine just by sitting next to you"

"Stop the match due to lack of testosterone!"


Cole: You gotta admit its a nice dress Vito's wear-



Cole: I think you have a secret fetish, you're really into the whole Vito thing.


Cole: Part of me is really hoping that Vito was just having fun last week.

JBL: And part of you is hoping he calls you tonight.

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"Sylvan will never get over this...but he might be used to it, you never know!" - Sylvan ends up with his head up Vito's dress.


"While I was at dinner fireworks went off and three French soldiers sitting next to me surrendered."


"He's the only thing in a dress in DC Bill Clinton hasn't done!" - More Vito bashing


"I have a black Amex card, I will BUY that little *******!!"


"You can hear the paint dry. Here comes the most boring man in the history of boring. Lance Storm couldn't fill an arena if you gave free beer and free tickets."


"What do you mean who cares? I am the color commentator moron. I am here to add color."


"Can't he keep his dress down? He's like half our divas!"


Cole: You could be a MIZfit and understand all this.

JBL: I'd be MISerable.

*two hours later*

Cole: Did you see how you made a play on words there?



JBL: (about Cole mentioning football/soccer)"That is the least heterosexual thing that has ever been said on this network"

Cole: "this coming from a man who went to the World Cup in Germany! Why did you go?"

JBL: "Drunk Brazilian chicks!"


"I hate you. I hate both people in the ring. The referee is Canadian; I hate him too. He's the one who counted me out against Rey, who I also hate. I got beat by Bobby Lashley, who I hate. I'm the one who dropped the championship to John Cena, and I damn sure hate him. I hate all of you people!"


JBL: (to Chris Masters) If you were any smarter... you would be a moron!


"Calling me anything other than a great American is like calling Mother Teresa a prostitute"


"Since I have been WWE champion there has not been a terrorist attack against this country..."


"Normal people never let their dreams get farther than their front door because they are afraid of failure. I have never been afraid of failure and I have never failed."


"Teddy Long is a racist!"

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If JBL becoming a full-time wrestler means we get more segments like
, I guess I'm OK with it.


I watch this video at least twice per month and it never get olds.


"JBL stands for Just Beat a Lizard"

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Guest DarkMatchJobber

The promo JBL cut at One Night Stand 2006 when he announced he was becoming the voice of friday nights was brilliant.


" I see no women here and you're chanting about a male organ...now tell me who is the fruit booty?!!!?? "

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